A year ago, my husband and I became life group leaders for our church’s new young family community. Once a week, everyone gathers at home to eat, study the previous Sunday’s sermon, and pray for each other. It’s the world’s sweetest, loudest mess, as 10 couples try to gather spiritual wisdom while bouncing newborns and babies, chasing toddlers, and disciplining preschoolers.
After life group, there are always stickers left on the floor, puffs and yogurt left all over the living room, and someone cleaning up the potty training mess. Play-Doh, blocks, and at least one toy light up, play nursery rhymes, and break socks and twist ankles.
And friends, I love it. Oh, how I love the life, laughter, and chaos that fills my home. In fact, when we first purchased our home, we knew it was built in the 1890s and needed extensive renovations, but when we were finally ready to welcome others, we prayed that everyone who walked through our doors would truly feel at home.
I believe God answered my simple prayer in simple and subtle ways. The adults in the group throw their feet up on the couch, mindlessly take drinks to the furniture, and work together to clean up the vomit, juice spills, and crushed fruit left behind by the little ones each week.
It is a rhythmic, natural, and dare I say sacred pursuit.
The relationship between community and hospitality
An overused noun and an underappreciated verb in local churches, community is simply a group of people who find God-given rest by showing up for one another without practicing pretense or etiquette. It’s both sophisticated and refreshing, and I think that’s how God intended His body to function.
I learned a lot about hospitality through this small community. As spring approaches and the weather warms up, it’s easier to invite friends over, but there are a few things you should keep in mind to help instill a sense of hospitality in your home (and heart).
1. Looks are useless
Proverbs 31:30 (ESV) is so true when it says, “Charm is deceiving, and beauty is vain. But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” But knowing the truth and choosing to live with it are two different things.
When I think of the kindest people I know, when I think of the times in my life when I felt most at home within the four walls of a place that wasn’t mine, I think of the friends I was with. My brain replays bonus points for the words they said, the laughs they offered, the encouragement they offered, and the delicious food they often shared.
I can’t remember if I saw dust collecting on the ceiling fan blades or dust scattered on the underside of the couch. I can’t remember how many paintings they had on their walls or if their furniture was expensive. Those details are not what my heart and soul felt worth preserving.
As you’ll likely be doing some spring cleaning and redecorating this spring in preparation for the hot summer months, it’s a good idea to keep your home hygienic and tidy, but don’t go overboard with your appearance. Create healthy, open spaces where others can gather. But remember that their heart and soul bring back what is life-giving, what comes out of your heart and mouth. They will remember the lessons, laughs, and stories you provide. It is not the pretense that steam-covered curtains and polished staircases feebly evoke.
2. Flexibility is a must
Communities are vibrant and beautiful things, but they are also made up of humans. It’s an imperfect bunch of people, prone to getting irritated from time to time, forgetting to bring drinks, and having illness or family emergencies to prioritize.
If there is no room for flexibility in hospitality, it can quickly lead to feelings of resentment and dissatisfaction. Friends, if you don’t keep your resentments and frustrations in check, those feelings can easily turn into bitterness, which is deeper and much more difficult to eradicate.
Don’t let Satan get a foothold there. Protect your community by embracing its humanity.
When my husband and I went to a lifestyle group training, the leader told us clearly: “People will disappoint you.” There was no “maybe” or “if” about that. That was and remains true. People betray us all the time, whether intentionally or by innocent coincidence. We clean, we cook, and we bend over backwards for those who skip or don’t say thank you.
But we give, serve, and love because we are called to love as Christ loves. We are called to serve as God serves. And we are called to humbly remember our position. That we too are unstable, lazy, forgetful, prone to illness and unexpected emergencies, and that we can and will be disappointed just like anyone else.
Just as Christ offers free mercy and grace in our humanity, may we protect God’s love in our homes by letting go of control and allowing flexibility as a healthy part of hospitality.
3. You need to confess your limitations
As life group leaders, my husband and I have a hard time delegating responsibilities during busy periods or when we are unable to host weekly meetings. What feels like our job, our responsibility, is to always make sure our home is open to others.
But like I said, we’re human, plans can change, illnesses can pop up suddenly, and let’s be honest, we can suffer from just plain tiredness. We too need to recognize our humanity and rely on others in our group to provide hospitality, prepare staple food, and care for our children when we are incapable of doing so.
When we agreed to lead the group, we always wanted to lead the group. But sometimes leading well is recognizing when you’re not actually leading well. It’s about understanding that God has given His talents to others in the group: cooking, playing with children, reading the Bible, encouraging others, and leading in prayer.
When we let go of our pride and realize that it is not us who sustain the group—it is God who grows and sustains our community—we can rely on God’s call to rest, rejuvenate, and refresh. This surrender allows us to remember ourselves and be better prepared to lead the next round with love and hospitality.
Hospitality in Bloom
Hospitality flourishes when the heart is humble, flexible, and able to adapt to one’s limitations. With the guiding and sustaining power of God’s love and grace, we can open our homes to others without clouding our community with stress, pretense, or bitterness.
Recognizing your own imperfections and accepting the imperfections of those you welcome into your home creates space for others to be open and honest and find the encouragement their souls need. Your words, your laughter, and the security you create can be the tools God uses to connect them to His goodness and plan their lives.
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Tatiana Maksimova
Peyton Garland is a writer, editor, and mom of a boy who lives in the beautiful foothills of East Tennessee. For more encouragement, subscribe to her blog Uncured+OK.
