Most of us are led to believe that we have to start the new year with a clean slate, a fresh start, that everything from the past year has been cleared up and we need to start anew. But what if it doesn’t happen? What if you can’t solve all your relationship problems and get them all resolved just before midnight?
Many of us have experienced fractured relationships, attempts at repair and repair have failed, and our efforts to reconcile and repair, or restore friendship, seem to be making the relationship worse.
Sadly, in today’s chaotic world, broken family relationships and lack of reconciliation are making headlines, as Micah 7:6 describes. “A son humiliates his father, a daughter rebels against her mother, a daughter-in-law rebels against her mother-in-law. A man’s enemies are members of his own family.”
Increasingly, we read the statement found at Mark 13:12: “Brothers will betray their brothers and kill them; fathers will betray their children; children will rebel against their parents and put them to death.”
Tragically, we increasingly see and hear the attitude first expressed in Genesis 4:9. “I don’t know,” he answered. “Am I my brother’s keeper?”
Apostle Paul encourages peaceful living
The Apostle Paul encourages us in Romans 12:18. “If you can do that, it’s up to you, but live in peace with everyone.”
But what happens if no matter how much you pray and try, you still can’t achieve it? Sadly, many of us tend to blame ourselves for our inability to reconcile relationships and situations, and even believe that God is disappointed in us. But if we have worked toward reconciliation, God will not be angry with us. He knows what it’s like to have reconciliation efforts rejected.
No one knows reconciliation better than God, who took action to reconcile the whole world to Him since the sinful fall of Adam. In Colossians 1:19, Paul explains: “God was pleased to reconcile all things to himself through him, both on earth and in heaven, by making peace through his blood, which was shed on the cross, so that all his fullness might dwell in him.”
Paul explains in Colossians 1:21-22, “For once you were alienated from God and hostile in your hearts because of your wickedness. But now God has reconciled you through death through the body of Christ, making you holy and blameless in his sight.”
God Created Reconciliation and Understands How It Works
Consider that even though God made the ultimate sacrifice in the death of Jesus to reconcile us to Him, there are those who reject God’s gracious offer and walk away from reconciliation.
Therefore, even if we obtain forgiveness, forgive others, or ask forgiveness from others, reconciliation cannot occur. Still, as Ephesians 4:32 urges, “Be kind to one another, have compassion, forgiving one another, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
God understands and knows that if we are to reach out and reconcile, it will take more than our own efforts to accomplish that. One of my husband’s goals as a hospice chaplain is to help families reconcile in the time they have left on Earth, before it’s too late. But sadly, sometimes that doesn’t happen, and some people are unable to bind themselves before they leave and end up leaving this world with regrets.
4 ways to move forward in the new year after reconciliation attempts fail
Like God, we may not see reconciliation brought about before the new year begins. So instead of feeling like a failure from the start, here are four ways to move forward in the new year without the blame.
1. Realize that we are just ambassadors.
While it is true that we are God’s ambassadors for reconciliation, God holds us accountable only for our efforts, not for our results.
As 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 explains, “All these things are of God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation. God did not count the sins of men, but was reconciling the world to himself through Christ, and he has entrusted to us the message of reconciliation.”
If we are fulfilling our mission to foster and promote reconciliation in the world, we can move forward and leave the outcome to God. 2 Corinthians 5:20-21 explains: “Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ. It is as if God were calling through us. On Christ’s behalf, we ask you: Be reconciled to God, who made him who was sinless to be sin in our place, so that in Christ we might become the righteousness of God.”
2. Rely on God’s truth.
In some cases, others ask us to bless them and accept their own choices that we cannot make because of our Christian faith. It’s not because we don’t love them, it’s because it’s not in God’s will.
Today, acceptance is considered loving someone despite their actions, and not accepting their actions is considered hatred. But that’s not true. Because love is more than accepting everything someone decides. Love is sharing God’s truth with them and wanting God’s best for their lives, even if it’s not what they themselves want.
We must trust and hold fast to the truth of God’s Word and continue to pray for those who reject us because of it. Romans 12:14 exhorts, “Bless those who persecute you; bless them, that they may not curse you.”
3. Understand that time is fleeting.
James 4:14 describes the brevity of life: “Because you don’t even know what’s going to happen tomorrow. What is your life? You’re like a fog that appears for a little while and disappears.”
The enemy of our souls wants nothing more than to trip us up for the rest of our lives and keep us focused on failed attempts to bring about reconciliation in our relationships rather than moving forward in our faith. But life is short and God wants us to stay focused on our future with Him.
Paul exhorts us in Philippians 3:13-14, “My brothers and sisters, I do not think that I have grasped it yet. But there is one thing I am doing: forgetting what is behind, and pressing forward to what is ahead, pressing toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me to heaven in Christ Jesus.”
4. Receive God’s comfort and rest in His love.
Broken or lost relationships are heartbreaking, but when they can’t be repaired, we need to give our heartache to the Lord and rest in His love for us. Psalm 33:22 assures us, “Lord, your loving devotion be upon us as we put our hope in you” (BSB).
God understands the deep pain of broken relationships better than any of us. The Bible often speaks of God being close to the brokenhearted and healing their wounds. As Lamentations 3:22-23 says, “Because of the great love of the Lord we will not perish; for his mercies never fail; they are renewed every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
Similarly, Zephaniah 3:17 comforts us by saying, “The LORD your God is mighty in your midst; he will save and be glad over you; he will rest in love and rejoice over you with singing” (NKJB).
new year, new hope
The new year brings new hope and opportunities to bring reconciliation to relationships and bring hope to a spiritually lost and broken world.
The Apostle Peter encourages us in 1 Peter 1:3. “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who in his great mercy has given us birth again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.”
Photo credit: ©Pexels/Alex Green
Lynette Kittle is married and has four daughters. She enjoys writing about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her work has been published in Focus on the Family, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, StartMarriageRight.com, and elsewhere. She holds a master’s degree in communications from Regent University and is an associate producer at Soul Check TV.
