I remember the day a couple in our small group shared that they were getting divorced. We had been in the group with them for years, so we knew they were going through some tough things, but we were still shocked.
I started repeating the many conversations we’ve had over the years, about the kids, Netflix, weekend plans, and so on. But marriage…we somehow just kind of skipped it.
A gift that invests in your (or your friend’s) marriage. Weekend To Remember gift cards are currently half price.
Maybe, unlike me, you’ve noticed friends who are struggling in their marriages and wanted to encourage them. Or maybe you’ve watched your own relationship grow and wondered how to talk about marriage and share the changes without sounding preachy.
The truth is, we are not meant to do marriage in a vacuum. When we talk openly about marriage in small groups, around the dinner table or over coffee, we help create a community where honesty, grace, and growth are the norm.
4 Tips for Talking to Others About Marriage
But this is the reality. Talking about marriage doesn’t have to be awkward. And in fact, it can be a moment that strengthens both your marriage and your friendship. Here are some tips.
1. Start with your own story.
You don’t have to be a marriage expert or have it all. You just have to be honest. What have you and your spouse experienced?
For us, the first year of marriage was more difficult than we expected. We didn’t realize how much our “baggage” would affect our daily lives.
2. Be honest, but ask gentle questions.
Sometimes the best way to encourage someone is to listen. Ask questions that encourage reflection, not judgment.
What do you enjoy about your married life now? Are you all connected well these days? I think it’s been a really busy season. Have you ever struggled to connect in the midst of the craziness? What’s been a little tough in your marriage right now?
3. Say the good things out loud.
Every couple could use some encouragement (or a reminder) of what they’re doing well. As friends, it’s a small way to help breathe life into your marriage.
“I really admire the way the two of you work together with the children.”
“You guys handle the big things that are thrown at you like a great team.”
4. Share what worked for you.
You’re not afraid to share things like your favorite restaurants, vacation spots, or podcast episodes that resonated with you, right? You can do the same with things that have helped your marriage.
On our Weekend to Remember® wedding trip, we learned new tools to accommodate completely different communication styles. I realized that we often almost passed each other… not answering questions, not “seeing” each other when we were working on something new, or even just living in survival mode without any time to connect on the horizon. This weekend helped us name the problem, dig deep into it, and create a plan to move our marriage forward.
(For reference, this happens every year all over the country.)
It’s worth talking about marriage
The truth is, sometimes it’s scary to start these conversations or even share the challenges you’ve overcome (or are still overcoming). But in reality, someone has to act first.
We don’t do marriage alone. One conversation can be the door that opens the door to “You too?”
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Taylor Aragon is the brand marketing manager for FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember® vacation. She has been with Cru for nine years, spending the first six years in campus ministry before transitioning to family life. Originally from South Georgia, Taylor moved to New Mexico to attend New Mexico State University, where she met her husband, Christian, and decided to make the desert her home. They have been married for nine years, have a 5-year-old daughter and a baby boy, and have a life full of bustle, fun, and reminders of God’s grace.
