I hate to admit it, but some of the ugliest arguments in my marriage centered around holidays, especially Christmas. This time of year can be hectic and financially stressful. They are also great at convincing people to have false expectations about their loved ones.
We want our toddlers to help us take Christmas photos, we want our boss to give us a Christmas bonus, we want our friends to host our annual Christmas sweater party, we want our in-laws to be flexible with their schedules, and we want our spouses to smile and watch us through all the ups and downs of chaos. But unfortunately, when our expectations aren’t met, especially when it comes to our spouses, fighting, name-calling, and distance can ruin a Hallmark holiday romance.
Christmas is meant to remind us of the beauty of sacrifice and how Christ has given us mercy and grace we can never earn. Why not honor and celebrate Christmas by gifting your spouse with the same treasures of special mercy, grace, and love during this busy season?
If you’re looking for ways to keep your marriage strong despite the stress of the holiday season, consider these simple ideas.
1. Turn your kids’ shopping into a date night.
It’s easy and convenient to buy all your kids’ gifts on Amazon, but instead of storing all your purchases digitally, go for a date night that includes dinner, a trip to pick up your favorite Christmas drink, or a trip to some of your child’s favorite stores.
Hold hands in the car and take turns choosing and playing Christmas carols to reminisce about your favorite Christmas memories. It’s family.
Consumerism doesn’t have to consume your marriage this Christmas. Instead, use this opportunity to purchase gifts while finding joy in celebrating your marriage.
(Bonus points if you jointly budget for gift purchases before the date! It minimizes misunderstandings and reduces potential arguments.)
2. Go out on a date on a celebratory night.
Festival night dates always add a little funOmantic atmosphere. Take advantage of special Christmas season offers, including formal Christmas orchestral concerts and plays. Dress up and dine at our 5-star restaurant known for its holiday desserts. If you live in an area that gets snow at Christmas, check to see if local private sleigh rides are available. Check out your local ice skating rink. Warm up your car, grab some pizza to go, and drive around town to see the Christmas lights. Cuddle up on the couch and watch your favorite Christmas movie.
Let these magical date night ideas spark new romance in your marriage!
3. Check in with each other (like Christmas)
One of the things I truly appreciate about my husband is that he frequently asks me how I’m doing. When I try to gloss over the question with a flimsy answer, my husband responds with, “No, I’m seriously asking how you’re doing. Are you okay?” Stay in touch with each other during the holidays, as this season can bring a lot of stress, sadness, grief, and disappointment.
Make this check-in part of your weekly (if not daily) routine and add a little Christmas magic by checking in over hot chocolate or apple cider. As wild as this season is, it’s sweet and soothing to make your spouse feel seen and heard.
4. Serve together
There are many opportunities to serve others at Christmas time, including soup kitchens, clothing closets, toy drives, Operation Christmas Child, church outreach programs, benefit balls, and nonprofit auctions. Think of two or three service opportunities that you’re both passionate about and participate in together.
Honestly, there is nothing more appealing than watching your spouse serve the Lord and serve others. So why not keep the romance alive during the busy holiday season by setting up an opportunity for a special festive service?
5. Participate in a couples Advent Bible study
Advent Bible studies, devotions, and activities are never-ending. Join us in an Advent study and take advantage of these Christ-centered resources. Take turns leading readings and discussions, and use this as an opportunity to focus on each other and spend some quality one-on-one time together.
(If you can’t find an Advent study that seems like a good fit, consider other Christmas devotions you can do as a couple.)
6. Collaborate on your holiday schedule
Part of the stress of Christmas is the never-ending to-do list, but the stress is made even worse when you’re shuffled from one event to the next without warning. Dragging your spouse from party to church function to choral concert without respectful attention can make him or her impatient and unable to properly prioritize his or her day. Therefore, it is easy to become agitated, which, if not controlled, can quickly lead to anger and quarrels.
This Christmas season, sit down together and decide in advance which events your family will and won’t attend. Or, consider splitting up certain events so neither spouse feels like they have to attend everything all the time.
7. Set respectful and firm boundaries with relatives
When your extended family has expectations for you, your spouse, and your children, it’s easy to feel pulled in too many directions. We want to honor our families and celebrate with them this Christmas season, but we must first recognize the needs of our immediate family. We are responsible for how we protect our marriages and discipline our children, so we must do what is best for our children before prioritizing the relatives we barely speak to throughout the year.
If there is a history of bitterness or arguments involving your in-laws, talk to your spouse and ask how you can most comfortably participate in the Christmas celebrations. Be open and honest with each other so that appropriate and healthy boundaries are not only established but maintained in your marriage.
8. Recognize and reduce each other’s stressors
My husband knows my stressors. In fact, he doesn’t need to understand what happened throughout my day. Because just by hearing a certain tone in my voice or seeing a certain expression on my face, he understands that I’m overwhelmed. This Christmas season, be attentive to your spouse and notice when he or she is feeling stressed. Do your best to alleviate known stressors by taking on certain responsibilities that might normally be assigned to someone else.
If grocery shopping is a chore, take on that chore on your way home from work. If your children’s senses can’t bear the thought of loud Christmas carols blaring again in the car, gently tell mom or dad that you’ll turn off the music so they can be quiet for a few minutes. If gift wrapping is another to-do for your spouse, offer to make a snack, make some coffee, and wrap the gift together.
This Christmas, know your spouse’s stressors, recognize the subtle signs they’re feeling overwhelmed, and stand in the gap to protect their hearts and minds.
9. Be intentional with your gifts.
In this age of consumerism, it is very easy to find common and inexpensive Christmas gifts. You don’t have to leave the house anymore, you can receive your gift right at your doorstep. Gifts are also already wrapped. This year, don’t be easily satisfied. Instead, be intentional with the gifts you give your spouse. Maybe it’s a custom locket with her child’s name engraved on it, or a vintage sports jersey from his favorite football team. Receive the gift of “I know you. I focus on what brings you joy.”
Bonus points for wrapping the gift yourself!
10. Pray for each other
I started this article feeling vulnerable, and I will end it the same way. I usually pray for my children much more than I pray for my spouse. And that’s not only unfair, it’s wrong. My spouse’s heart and soul are equally important. Even better, his state of mind and soul as the spiritual leader of our family directly impacts the hearts and souls of my sons. I have recently become more intentional about leading my husband to God through prayer. In seasons of creeping stress and sadness, I encourage you to do the same.
Christmas is meant to rekindle our love for the Lord and His salvation. So why not share the love of Christ with your spouse by praying for their soul?
gifts for each other
Marriage is a gift. This is a sacred covenant that we are privileged to be a part of. This Christmas, don’t skimp on both its responsibilities and its joys. When you put your spouse’s spiritual, mental, physical, and even social well-being above your own, you should receive the same selfless reward, mirroring the selflessness of the baby who humbly came to save us all.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/svetikd
Peyton Garland is a writer, editor, and mom of a boy who lives in the beautiful foothills of East Tennessee. For more encouragement, subscribe to her blog Uncured+OK.
