I remember when we were talking about everything… big dreams, strange horrors, and strangely certain childhood memories never told us to anyone else.
now? Most of our conversation revolves around the adjustments of the car that has school drop-offs, quick check-in people, and some instances of “Can I call you and hang out with me?”
It doesn’t all happen at once, but over time, many couples get hanging out in a rhythm of functional communication. The conversation begins to revolve around what needs to be done, what needs to be fixed, purchased, or scheduled. And while they are necessary to speak, they do not bond with you.
To feel disconnected in marriage does not mean that something is broken. That often means you both do a lot – working hard, showing up for your kids, floating things up. However, connections do not flourish. It thrives in learning.
When did you ask each other questions that were “correct” or had no easy answer? When you laugh in the middle, or when you get to the bottom of something that is really measuring your mind?
After a while, you are not alone. The good news is that you don’t need a reset or epic romantic gesture to connect. It starts from a single, intentional moment.
All 6 conversations are required
Whether you’re married for six months or 16 years, these are conversations worth going back and forth. Remember: these combos are not about fixing your marriage, but about deepening it.
1. What does love look like when it’s difficult?
Explore how each individual experiences love when it is simple, but also when tested.
Ask: When did you feel most loved by me during difficult times?
2. Are you afraid to say something loud?
It’s just an implicit expectation, a simmering frustration, or a pain of being misunderstood… to gently name it is to solve it and build elasticity.
Ask: what expectations do you have of me that you haven’t seen me (you may or may not have noticed that you have)?
3. How do you serve each other?
Reflect on how well you serve each other, regardless of your personal costs. Do we serve each other without expecting anything in return?
Ask: What is one way I can serve you this week that will help you feel loved by me?
4. What’s not yet healed?
Forgiveness is not about forgetting, it is more about grace. What does it look like to move forward in grace, even in small steps?
Ask: Have you ever done something that requires you to ask for forgiveness?
5. How about intimacy?
Not only physically, but emotionally and mentally.
Ask: Where do we feel most connected now? The farthest?
6. What legacy do we live in?
Our lives were created to be an autobiography of God’s supernatural intervention. Think about each other whether you believe your marriage reflects Christ’s love for others. What sets your marriage apart?
Ask: How can we talk differently to each other to make Jesus look better?
Looking for a way to continue?
These six conversations only give us a glimpse into the type of conversation that has been spurred by our new marriage study, the art of marriage. Currently, we have a 25% discount until August 31st.
If you crave more connections, more understanding, more joy together, the art of marriage is a powerful next step. This six-session video-based study breaks down to the heart of how to love our spouse.
You can walk it with friends or small groups, hold events at your church, or go with just the two of you. Learn more and preview session 1 at Artofmarrigy.com
Copyright©2025 by FamilyLife. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited.
Bethany Kuetzing is the brand marketing manager for FamilyLife resources. Before working at FamilyLife, she worked in marketing for the Ministry of Counseling. Bethany lives in Ann Arbor, Michigan with her husband Peter and son Theodore. Bethany and Peter first met when they were 16 and have been married since 2019.
