I’ve been dealing with this issue for a while, and as I approach Mother’s Day weekend, my heart is heavy as I think of the women who were around me when I was a mother myself. Having grown up thinking about weddings and becoming a mother myself, I never imagined having to do it without my own mother. This is exactly what we need to do. We lost our mother to cancer in 2012 and were blessed with twins in 2014. I don’t think this is a coincidence. My IVF was done a year after her death, the next day, I found out I was pregnant a year before her funeral, and we were born the day after her birthday. She was certainly involved in my motherhood. Although she is no longer physically part of my village, she will always hold a sacred place in my heart. As we approach Mother’s Day weekend, some of us may have lost a mother or may not have a good relationship with them. Therefore, a longing to build a new family organically arises in our hearts.
A village that we built ourselves. The word village is of Latin origin and means “a collection of houses and associated buildings, larger than a hamlet but smaller than a town, located in the countryside.” So over the years the definition has changed. In our village, what started as harvesting and hunting together has evolved to playdates at the mall and soccer pick-ups. Most of the time, these meetings of minds involve having coffee in the park, exchanging words between squabbling toddlers, or looking for older kids to make sure they’re not too far away. But they still have something in common. Several mothers are helping another mother. They say it takes a village. I heard these words many years ago, before I became a mother. And as new moms, we are told and know that we can’t do it alone. In the 10 years since I became a mother, these words have become even more true in many ways. It doesn’t take a village to raise our babies. It takes a village to support us while we raise our babies. Looking back over the past 10 years, there have been many seasons and times where my husband and I felt truly blessed to be surrounded by our tribe. You know what kind of village we create as we go through life. As seasons change and titles grow longer or shorter as surnames change, adding villages to the beginning, we celebrate births, grieve deaths, and toast new homes and jobs together. I recently realized that we have a lot to be thankful for, not only for the people we meet in our daily lives, but also for those who have stood out for us all along. I hope you feel the same gratitude when you read these words.
Friends, the journey from girl to woman to wife to mother is as winding as Lombard Street in San Francisco. There were so many twists and turns, so many things I didn’t expect, but oh, when you look back and run through them, they’re so beautiful. And sometimes it’s not just where you go, but who you travel with.
Lately, I have been feeling deeply grateful to be blessed with a village like this. A very random, makeshift village. I wasn’t born into a big family. I started a family. I’m very fortunate that some of the women I still rely on today were the girls I relied on when I was 12 years old. Some of them are now receiving brand new blessings. God smiled on me because I was open to understanding what a great gift they are.
What wonderful gifts they all are! I can’t imagine life without this village. When I recently unpacked all my books and photo albums, I saw them through many seasons of life. The people who grew up with me, who knew me then, who loved me then, who watched my journey from girl to woman to wife to mother. They have been there for all the laughs, tears, and growth that life brings us. And I absolutely love that they’re still here. I value the grit and tenacity of these friendships more than the money.
And then there are the gems I picked up along the way when I wasn’t looking at anything. We went around corners and seasons that we thought were good. We were going to do something from here. But God said, “No, you need this.” And there, your village and heart will grow.
Let’s not forget the women who were thrown in when they had children. You know the first day of school or dance class. Making friends as an adult can be very awkward, but your friends are there for you and understand who you are, so you can form a bond like no other. You haven’t showered or exchanged sentences with other adults in too long. Some of these women I knew from the beginning that I was going to keep forever. And luckily, they felt the same way.
All these women make up my village. People who have been traveling with me since I was 12 years old and people who have been amazed by how God has blessed me. Even when we moved across America, he had women here that he knew were going to be part of this village, and I’m so grateful for that. These women make me who I am, they inspire me, they motivate me, and they always remind me that yes, it takes a village…not to raise a baby, but to enjoy raising a cup together. And that this journey will be richer and more flavorful if we take it together. If only we could step outside of our comfort zones and share with women who we really are and what’s really going on beneath the baseball caps and sunglasses of Mom Life. Being authentic and loved is the ultimate gift in friendship.
My village, I am very grateful to you all. To be honest, raising children, homeschooling, being a wife, and working are all so demanding that we may not be able to talk or see each other as often as we would like. But it’s so good because you guys are encouraging me and I know that when we actually get together, it’s something special. So, good luck, ladies, when things are tough or dark, please know my number and know that you are not alone. I am here to do whatever it takes to get back in line with God’s plan for this journey. I’m here for all of that. And thank you for being here too. That being said, would you like to meet up more? Let me also add that. Can we normalize throwing invitations into chaos rather than just waiting until an event or special occasion? Don’t worry about our homes, our mental state, or our children’s behavior? We invite each other.
This Mother’s Day weekend, celebrate your motherhood and the women who make you the best version of yourself. I am thinking and praying for all of you who have made me who I am. And we promise to contact you with an invitation soon. BYOR Bring your own rake…do you count?
Ecclesiastes 11:4 reminds us, “A farmer who waits for perfect weather will never plant a crop. If he watches every cloud, he will never harvest. ‘Let us put these wonderful villages in the cupboard of our hearts and never forget them.’ Sit on the couch, have a cup of coffee, and let us share our stress, joy, and pain.” Let’s share with our families what they are experiencing at home, what they are doing on their land, and let them see what we are doing in ours. Maybe we can work on some projects together. After all, what does “it takes a village” mean?
Photo credit: ©Pexels/Elina Fairytale
Kimberly Trigo has always loved writing. It started with poetry when she was a teenager. Kimberly has just returned to banking after being a stay-at-home mom to her twins. She and her husband recently moved to Tennessee from California and built Barndo. They stay busy with soccer, youth group, Bible study, and helping with children’s ministry at church. Kimberly wears many hats, but her favorite hat is motherhood.
