In our 25 years of ministry, we have seen many different people in different congregations. Some congregations were large. Others were small. Some lived in large, wealthy communities. Some were from small rural areas, mostly farmland. In one congregation, local farmers came to Sunday service wearing overalls and muddy boots.
As we began choosing our leaders, we learned some important lessons.
Just because someone volunteers to run a service does not make them a leader.
Leadership can be taught, but most leaders are born that way.
Leaders are molded to become better leaders, but their character must reflect Christ living within them.
Unfortunately, in some church situations, the leaders we have inherited have displayed characteristics that not only disqualify them as leaders, but do not even meet the standards for elders found in 1 Timothy.
Just as it is essential for us as mission leaders to discern a person’s leadership potential, it is also necessary for us to discern a person’s spiritual maturity. As Christians, we all need to evaluate and judge a person’s spiritual maturity. By doing so, you can decide whether to trust that person in a particular situation, whether to allow that person to be a leader, and whether to encourage them to make decisions that affect the entire church.
Assessing spiritual maturity is subjective, but several factors can help determine whether a person is spiritually mature. Here’s how to determine a person’s spiritual maturity.
how to deal with conflict
Through my years of ministry, I have learned that a person’s spiritual maturity is tested. Their true nature was greatly revealed during the conflict. When a person is angry with church leadership or in conflict with others, how he or she responds to the guidance, direction, and correction of elders and leaders in the situation shows how mature that person is.
Conflict tests people’s maturity by revealing how they deal with personal attacks, criticism, and blame. Do they accept responsibility or shift the blame to the other person? It is important to note that while conflict can evoke great emotions in people, such as anger, sadness, and sadness, it is how the person deals with the conflict that matters. Emotionally mature people are able to listen to others, participate in conversations with conciliatory intent, and express their feelings clearly without blaming or degrading.
For example, if a person is offended by another person and comes to that person and tells the other person in a clear and non-judgmental way that something the other person said or did hurt him or her, the offender must be able to assess whether it is true or not. In some cases, the accusations made by the person may be completely false. If so, a spiritually mature person would be able to clearly explain their untruth and provide reasonable evidence. They won’t see this as a personal attack, but rather an opportunity for growth and change.
If the accusation is true, a spiritually mature person will be able to determine whether there is a grain of truth in the statement. If so, your person will be spiritually rich, able to accept responsibility, apologize without expecting anything in return, and chart a clear path toward repentance. When a person reacts out of emotion rather than a desire for love or reconciliation, it is a sign that the person is not as spiritually mature as they portray themselves to be.
How to behave in public places
Another strong indicator of a person’s spiritual maturity is how the world views him or her. If a person acts according to the Bible, exhibits the fruit of the Spirit in most situations, and engages in healthy behavior and conversations with others in public, he or she will likely do so in private as well.
But when a person criticizes someone’s behavior in public, it is because it seems that the person has a temper, is angry with community organizations, makes a fuss, acts inappropriately, gossips about superiors or church leaders, or uses too much food or alcohol. This is also a sign that the person is not as spiritually mature as he or she is portraying.
Those who are mature in their faith understand how their behavior in public will appear to unbelievers. They know that testifying in public shows what is going on in their hearts.
But if their behavior is clearly inconsistent with the Bible, or if they behave in ways that seem more worldly than unbelieving, then it’s clear that they are not as spiritually mature as they think they are.
how they treat their spouses
Marriage can be difficult at times, but it is clear that the Bible reflects the church. How a person treats their spouse is a good indicator of how they view the person they love most. They treat people the same way they treat God in their lives. People who superficially proclaim that they love the Lord but abuse or neglect their spouses are not a good reflection of the church.
A mature person will recognize the problem before the marriage becomes unbalanced. They were willing to seek help if possible and pursued a path of repentance and behavior change. They just repeat the same behavior the next day and don’t try to smooth things over with a full-on apology. If they live their lives with purpose and strive to treat their spouse as they would treat God, it will tell other believers that they are mature in the faith.
How to interact with children
Another indicator is how a person treats his children. If a person notices that their children are being neglected or that there is no Christ-like character in their parents, they are likely not spiritually mature. No one is perfect, but children should be able to see the example of Christ in their parents.
This should be a strong example for children to emulate when they grow up. However, if a growing child expresses that they do not want someone like them in their life, the spiritually immature person may not be a strong example to emulate.
Children should be able to recognize Christlike qualities and character in their parents. In some cases, children can be better indicators of a person’s emotional maturity than anyone else because they don’t have a filter. Children are innocent and often say what they think right away. For example, if it is obvious that a child is always angry, the child will express this to the parent. Parents who are unable to look at themselves calmly may be shocked by what their child says. But it’s sobering to think about how they live their lives when they’re known more for their anger than for their joy.
Determining spiritual maturity can be difficult. These are outward signs of inner change, as we measure spiritual maturity by how many Bible verses we know, how often we attend church, and how often we pray. If a person changes from within, his or her behavior may change as well.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/digitalskillet
Michelle S. Lazurek is an award-winning multi-genre author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and mother. She is a literary agent with Wordwise Media Services and host of The Spiritual Reset podcast. Her new children’s book, Hall of Faith, encourages children to understand that God can be trusted. When I’m not working, I enjoy drinking Starbucks lattes, collecting 80’s memorabilia, and spending time with my family and dog. For more information, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.
