One of the most personal decisions couples make is choosing how to raise their children, and some parents can stick to their chosen style. Parents either accept or reject parenting techniques based on their own childhood experiences. As a result, there are trends in parenting styles. One of the current parenting trends that many Christian parents are considering is gentle parenting. According to the Cleveland Clinic, “Rather than focusing on punishment and reward, gentle parenting focuses on improving a child’s self-awareness and understanding of his or her own behavior.” Characteristics of this parenting method include, but are not limited to:
Talk to your child at eye level Never raise your voice Use empathy to understand why your child acted the way you did Discuss your child’s behavior and help them understand why they behaved Set boundaries to prevent unwanted behavior
This method is especially appealing to parents who want to avoid harshness, break unhealthy family patterns, or respond differently to painful childhood experiences. It can be an attractive model for Christian parents because it models values such as kindness, patience, and love, which are fruits of the Spirit and Christlike virtues. But we need to examine every parenting style to see if it falls under the Biblical model or the realistic model. We also recognize that we live in a fallen world and no parent will always respond with perfect patience. For Christian parents, the question is not whether all gentle parenting techniques are wrong, but whether our parenting is shaped by the Bible, love, wisdom, discipline, and a gospel understanding of the human heart.
Important points
Gentle parenting reflects Biblical virtues such as patience, empathy, and kindness, but it should still be evaluated through Scripture. Christianity is not concerned with kindness per se, but with a parenting philosophy that ignores sin, correction, boundaries, and discipleship. Biblical discipline should never be driven by anger, fear, humiliation, or abuse, but by love, wisdom, and self-control. Parents can use prayer, counsel, and each child’s personality to discern what is most effective and effective. A faithful form of discipline. Christian parenting should point children toward God’s love, truth, and grace, while simultaneously being gentle and disciplined.
Is gentle parenting biblical for Christian parents?
There are also attractive aspects to gentle parenting. It is appropriate not to punish a child with anger, but with self-control and patience. Talking to your child about their feelings can help increase their emotional intelligence and allow parents to better connect with their child. But from a Christian worldview, one of the concerns about gentle parenting is that it does not see children who sin as part of a rebellious nature that is a product of a fallen world. This method assumes that people are inherently good and rational, so we can reason with children to do the right thing. This central premise contradicts the Bible.
“If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.” – 1 John 1:8
From a Christian worldview, the problem with gentle parenting is not the choice of technique, but the assumption that children can be reasoned with because they are inherently good, rather than prone to rebellion like everyone else. In fact, the Bible says, “Even a child can know himself by his works, whether his works are pure and right” (Proverbs 20:11).
Should Christian parents use corporal punishment?
Many believers point to the following scripture: “He who spares the rod hates his children, but he who loves them trains them diligently” (Proverbs 13:24).And corporal punishment, such as spanking and other traditional forms, Like time-outs, they are necessary for the development of a child’s character. Unfortunately, this verse has also been used to justify abuse. Although some Christians are against corporal punishment, no discipline should be caused by anger, fear, humiliation, or loss of control. Parents should take the risk of actual harm seriously and seek wise advice before using discipline methods that may hurt or frighten their children. Christians who use such a style should not pretend that abuse is not happening. Any form of parenting can be abusive if it’s done for the wrong reasons or because someone doesn’t know God and is dead in sin.
Parents should not hit as an act of anger or rage. We also need to realize that some parents have a good understanding of their own sinful nature and are unable to spank their children with proper patience and self-control. Many parents have raised their godly children to become godly adults without using corporal punishment. It is possible to raise children without physical discipline, but it is impossible to raise children Biblically without discipline at all.
“Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline turns it away from him.” – Proverbs 22:15
Many spoiled, ungodly children come from overindulgent “nice” parents as much as from spanking parents.
How can Christian parents choose wisely in their methods of discipline?
To decide which style discipline to use, consider the following:
1. Pray about how God wants you to raise your children.
Many people talk to each other and get advice from parents, books, and friends. It’s good to receive advice from others, but as Christians, it’s important to first go to God for wisdom in all things.
2. Recognize whether you are prone to overly emotional reactions or anger.
When the Bible says, “Spare the rod lest the child be spoiled,” it does not mean that you should physically punish your child in a fit of anger or physically harm him. It means controlled, thoughtful discipline.
3. Learn the best discipline style for each child, depending on their age.
What works for one family may not necessarily work for another family, and what works for one child may not necessarily work for another child. It may be different for boys and girls, or more hyper and calmer children. If you try to apply universal discipline, you may end up overindulging in one personality type or not communicating to your child why they are experiencing discipline.
One example of this happening in real life is that while schools are set up to encourage girls’ learning, research shows that boys don’t, need more opportunities to be active, and tend to learn more by doing rather than reading or memorizing. If parents choose to raise and discipline in only one way, they may not be effectively helping their child learn the difference between right and wrong. If a child lacks proper discipline, he or she may not be able to understand his or her own shortcomings or sins and may develop a proud spirit. Conversely, they may discipline other children too much, causing resentment and hostility.
4. Remember that your children have a sinful nature and the Bible says they must be disciplined.
One of the core tenets of gentle parenting is to put yourself in your child’s shoes, talk non-judgmentally and ask questions about why your child is behaving in an undesirable way. “Why didn’t you tie your shoes? Don’t you want to tie your shoes? Isn’t playing with stuffed animals more fun than tying shoelaces?” Children may disobey or do something wrong simply because they live in a fallen world, but for no other reason. To assume that children can always understand things logically is to deny the reality of the world. It can also lead to elevating a child to a place where they think they are on a more equal footing with their parents than they should be in a Biblical home.
When in doubt, it is important to be cautious and avoid abusing or spoiling your child. Although you need to have an effective disciplinary style in place, you can also use gentle techniques to make punishment a true learning experience. Consider prayer, the wisdom of others, and your child’s personality when deciding how to discipline.
Bible verses about parenting and discipline
Some Bible verses that provide guidance on raising children include:
“Teach them diligently to your children, and speak of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise up” (Deuteronomy 6:7).
“Raise up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).
“Do not discipline your child; a scourging will not kill him” (Proverbs 23:13).
“A rod and a rebuke give wisdom, but a neglected child brings shame to his mother” (Proverbs 29:15).
“Therefore, as beloved children, be imitators of God” (Ephesians 5:1).
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).
“All Scripture is breathed out by God and is profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16).
“For now all discipline seems to be more painful than pleasant, but later it produces peaceful fruits of righteousness to those who are trained by it” (Hebrews 12:11).
How can parents practice both kindness and Biblical discipline?
More important than what type of discipline, or lack thereof, a parent chooses to do is the decision to raise a child to know God. If you love God, imitate that love, and teach your children how much Jesus loves them, you are taking the right step. Ultimately, all children must grow up, make their own mistakes, and have their own relationship with God. Gentle parenting includes principles such as patient parenting and listening to your child’s feelings, which fits into the Biblical parenting model. However, this whole mentality can lead to problems in the future because it does not recognize the child’s sinful nature and instead assumes that the child’s behavior is simply the result of not understanding the child’s emotions or not having a fully developed prefrontal cortex.
The Bible makes clear that all people are born into a sinful nature, which can only be addressed through a relationship with Jesus Christ. God, our loving Father, is training His children, and modeling God’s love for us to them is an important part of raising them.
Frequently asked questions about gentle parenting and the Bible
Is gentle parenting based on the Bible?
Some gentle parenting techniques, such as patience, empathy, calm correction, and emotional awareness, are consistent with Biblical wisdom. But Christian parents should also remember that the Bible teaches the reality of sin and the need for loving discipline. From a Christian worldview, what concerns are there about gentle parenting?
The problem is not kindness itself, but a parenting philosophy that assumes that children only need explanation, not discipline, correction, boundaries, or discipleship. Does the Bible require parents to spank their children?
Although Christians interpret the Proverbs passage about “the rod” in different ways, the Bible clearly calls on parents to discipline, teach, train, and correct their children without anger, cruelty, or abuse. Can Christian parents discipline without corporal punishment?
yes. Many Christian parents use non-physical methods of discipline while providing consistent correction, clear boundaries, consequences, guidance, and discipleship. How can parents avoid being too strict or too permissive?
Parents can pray for wisdom, seek counsel, consider each child’s needs, be consistent, avoid angry discipline, and remember that Biblical discipline is meant to train, not humiliate or hurt, children.
For further reading
source of information
Dobson, James. Dr. James Dobson’s Parenting Collection. Carol Stream: Tyndale House Publishers, 2011.
Oxwell-Smith, Sarah. Gentle discipline that uses emotional connection rather than punishment to raise confident and competent children. New York: Penguin Random House LLC, 2017.
McDowell, Josh. Be free to make the right choices. Uricksville: Barbour Publishing, 2018.
Tripp, Paul David. Parenting – 14 gospel principles that can radically change your family. Wheaton: Crossway, 2016.
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-gentle-parenting
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/digitalskillet
Bethany Berrett is a freelance writer who uses her passion for God, reading, and writing to glorify God. She and her husband live all over the country serving their Lord and Savior in ministry. She has a blog at graceandgrowing.com.
