I’ve been thinking about my mom a lot since she was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. What will my mother think of this diagnosis? Will she be able to help me in any way beyond what I am currently being helped? Is she the kind of person I would run up to and give her a big hug?
I have so many questions, but I think my mom would have helped me immeasurably. Something about mothers makes us feel safe and at home. We automatically turn to our inner 8-year-old and want our mom to solve everything. My mother passed away almost ten years ago, but I still remember running to her, telling her everything that happened and receiving a warm hug.
The rational part of my brain knows she’s gone. And although I will never see her again on this side, I know that I will see her again in heaven. So, does my problem here mean anything? I don’t know, but I do know that I will find solace in my mother, just as I did when I was that little eight-year-old. Because the truth is, we still need our mothers as adults.
struggle with difficult times
When I became seriously ill as a teenager, my mother had to take me to the hospital. My eating disorder strained my relationship with my mother in her later years, but she was still there for me. She was the one who went back to the emergency room with me and supported me when I couldn’t support myself anymore. When I fell to the floor, she was the one who picked me up and put me in the wheelchair.
There was something amazing about my mother and nothing could stop her. At the time of this emergency room visit, my mother had already been diagnosed with congestive heart failure. Despite this harsh diagnosis, my mother had the strength to lift me up and help me move forward. That strength was something only a mother could have. Since then, I have never seen anyone as strong as my mother.
My mother was a very anxious and stressed person, but when something was wrong with my sister or me, she remained calm. And that’s exactly what it was like when she was in the emergency room. She didn’t panic or get scared. Instead, she stayed with me and kept me calm. She never said “everything was going to be okay” because we weren’t that kind of family, but her presence and calmness helped me know I was going to be okay.
I also talk about this experience, many years after she passed away. This traumatized me and led me to develop OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder, contamination type), but it made me realize how much my mother loved and cared for me. I’ve struggled with knowing this for most of my life, but when I think about the day I was in the emergency room, my perspective on the problem at hand changes. My mother loved me, even if she didn’t show it in the most obvious ways.
find support in the Lord
I want her to be with me more than anything, but my mother won’t come home. This is a hard pill to swallow, but I know I can’t fight it. My mother passed away and I am forced to continue living in a difficult situation without her. However, the Lord did not leave me alone with my struggles. He was with me through thick and thin and strengthened me. The Lord is our Good Shepherd and always leads us to calm waters (Psalm 23:1-6).
It is true that we cannot talk to Jesus face to face, but we can talk to Him through prayer. Although we cannot hear the Lord speak from the sky, we can hear His words by reading the Bible. Going to the Lord to pray and then reading the Bible helped me a lot. There are still days when I feel hopeless, but the Lord helps me keep going. Even through tears and pain, Jesus remained faithful.
There is no one quite like our God. He is full of love, full of mercy, and never lacks kindness. Knowing this allows us to return to God more often. My Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit have been the people I turn to in times of need. My mother is no longer here, but God is always here. Morning, afternoon, and night, God is always there to listen to me.
There have been nights when I have nothing to say to God, but He knows exactly how I feel. The tears that fall on my face and the pain in my heart do not go unnoticed by God. When I pray to God and tell Him that I want to see my mother, He doesn’t judge me or make me feel bad. Instead, God gave me a safe place where I could express my feelings and heal. God is also a safe and healing place for you.
Know it’s okay to ask for help
It is also important to note that sometimes professional help is required. This may be in the form of a doctor or therapist. Working with a therapist has helped me work through the emotions of losing my mother and helped me know what to do when the pain hits. The interesting thing about grief is that sometimes it never leaves us, and that’s okay. I’m not going to leave my grief behind, and in some ways I don’t want that to happen.
Grief allows me to remember my mother and look back on all the happy memories we had together. I will never be the same person I was before my mother died, but God is still helping me grow. None of us are exactly the same person we were before our loved one died. Pain and grief are ways to change us and we need to know that it’s okay. There’s no need to try to bounce back or pretend everything is okay when you’re suffering so much.
After losing a loved one, it is recommended that you seek treatment as mentioned above and consult your doctor. In some cases, sadness can turn into depression, which requires medical observation. My depression was already present before my mother passed away, but it got worse after she passed away. I had to see a doctor for depression, but medication helped improve my symptoms.
Therefore, try contacting support. There’s no shame in seeing a doctor or therapist. In fact, seeing a professional can help us heal and move forward and should be encouraged. We can become stronger with God’s help, with professional help, and by working things out on our own. I won’t miss my mom, but I can keep going until I see her again.
Related resources: Helping your aging parents: Encouragement for women of the sandwich generation
Are you facing a difficult decision about caring for an aging parent or loved one? In this episode, we dive into the challenge of knowing when to intervene, the emotional roller coaster of transitioning to assisted living, and the power of socialization to boost cognitive health. Guest Wendy Jones from Next Steps 4 Seniors shares practical tips to overcome guilt, downsize, and age healthily as a family. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious about your next step, this conversation is packed with encouragement, resources, and real-life stories to help you stop comparing and start living with confidence. Heather and Wendy talk about the challenges unique to the “sandwich generation,” where children are still at home and must care for aging parents. If you found this episode helpful, please consider subscribing to “Compared to Whom?” Never miss an episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts!
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Vivian Bricker earned a Bachelor of Arts in Ministry and then a Master of Arts with an emphasis in Theology. She loves theology, ministry, and all things helping others learn about Jesus. Check out more of her content on Cultivate.
