“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility value others above yourself, looking each to the interests of others, not to his own” (Philippians 2:3-4).
Most of us will need a caregiver at some point in our lives. Learning how to cope with new situations like illness or physical challenges can be difficult, but caregivers do a great job of helping us. But even with the most skilled caregivers, the transition from caring for oneself to being cared for by someone else can be humbling and anxiety-inducing. Because most days I’m healthy enough to take care of myself and my family, but that’s not always the case. I spent 10 years largely confined to my home, surrounded by friends, family, and a group of paid “helpers” who made up my corps of caregivers. I am always grateful to them. Learning how to be the recipient of care during a traumatic time is difficult at best, but it can also be a rewarding experience that greatly enriches the lives of both you and the caregiver.
There is no guidebook that will tell you how to get through life when an accident or illness strikes. Therefore, nothing tells you how best to interact with the caregivers who come into your life. Or is there?
The Bible is full of advice on how to treat others, including family members and those in your employment. If you have a caregiver, read these tips and discover the joy of serving those who serve you. Even if you don’t currently have a caregiver, you can still benefit from these truths.
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A small but powerful act of “noticing”
First, start recognizing your caregiver by noting how they are helping you. Your caregiver may drive you to the hospital or pick up your prescriptions. They may cook your meals, clean your house, and help you with your hygiene needs. Your caregiver may be part-time or may live with you and help you every day. They may occupy a temporary place in your life in hopes of restoring your ability to care for yourself, or they may provide care for ongoing health issues. Caregivers are often family members or other loved ones, but they often provide care, whether paid or unpaid, as a service and as an expression of the gifts they have been given.
If you’ve recently started needing a caregiver, you’ve probably just experienced a major change in your life. The situation may have changed due to an accident or heart attack. You may have been diagnosed with an illness or suffer from severe chronic pain. Whatever caused the need for someone to help you, it’s likely to be a difficult adjustment. You may begin to envy healthy people, which may lead you to resent even those who love and care for you. The shock of losing independence can open the door to self-pity and fear. Coping with the resulting loss can be difficult, and those closest to you often bear the brunt of the frustration. Pain, fatigue, and loneliness may even create a habit of chronic complaining. When we wallow in self-pity and prioritize our rights, we may forget to treat others with kindness and love. If something like this happens in your life, we have good news. With God’s help, you can change unhealthy coping mechanisms. How can you change these patterns? Start today by asking for forgiveness for your grumbling and demanding behavior. Even at this time in your life, pray with thanksgiving and ask God for grace to take your complaints to Him. Ask for forgiveness and make amends with those you have wronged. It’s never too late to start fresh.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).
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Trust that changes hearts
We may not be able to control our health issues, but we can always control our attitude towards them. When your attitude is influenced by difficult external circumstances, it always affects those who care for you. Suddenly, no matter what they do for you, it’s not “good enough.” Because it doesn’t solve the real problem: the dissatisfied spirit. My friend, I understand this conflict all too well. It can be deployed in various ways. For example, a caregiver or family member may accidentally get the wrong item from a store. This simple mistake caused a frustrating feeling that had less to do with whether or not they got my preferred brand of mochi, and more to do with my lack of control over my situation. Relying on someone else to meet my wants and needs when I so desperately wanted to meet them myself was a stark reminder of my limitations. What I needed, what I really needed, was the satisfaction that comes from trusting God in the midst of hardship. Your caregiver cannot give you satisfaction. It must come from Christ. When you find it in Him, He gives you both the strength to endure and the blessings of contentment. You may feel chained by suffering, but read what Paul wrote when he was actually chained and needed help meeting his daily needs.
“How I praise the Lord that you are worried about me again. I know you are always worried about me, but you have never had a chance to help me. It’s not that I’m in trouble, it’s because I’ve learned how to be content with what I have. I eat almost nothing. I know how to live without or with all. I have learned the secret of living in any situation, full or empty, with much or with little, because I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. And yet you have shared well with me in the present difficulties. ” (Philippians 4:10-14 New Translation)
Paul served God even though he needed a caregiver to help him. You can do the same. Allow God to show you how you can continue to serve Him. Prayer is a service that can be performed from a bed or a hospital bed. Pleading with God on behalf of others frees you from your own pain. You may offer words of encouragement to those who helped you or visited you. In this way you can serve those who serve you. When you can’t drive, cook, or even bathe, your focus is probably on yourself and your care. But let me encourage you that even when you are bedridden or hospitalized, you can still look for opportunities to be blessed. Discipline yourself to get out of your situation by reaching out to those who can help you. By doing so, you can begin to restore some joy and meaning to your life.
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Here are three ways to care for your caregivers:
1. Express your gratitude:
It may seem like common sense to be grateful to those who help you, but in reality, many caregivers take it for granted. Whether the person helping you with your care is a family member or a paid employee, everyone needs to hear words of encouragement and appreciation. You may also want to write a note to the administrator telling them that you are especially grateful. Small acts of kindness can also show them that you care. One day, I bought a pack of purple pens as a “thank you” to a home health nurse who loved using purple pens. It wasn’t difficult for me, but it showed her that I noticed her and appreciated her concern.
“May the God of patience and encouragement give you the same attitude toward one another as Christ Jesus did, so that you may be of one mind and one voice, glorifying the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Romans 15:5-6).
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2. Communicate well:
It may be difficult to express your needs boldly, but if you don’t express your feelings, frustration can lead to anger. Bless others to help you when you need help. Protect the precious relationship between you and your caregiver by clearly communicating your needs. Remember, there’s a difference between saying a command out loud and letting someone know what you need. No one likes to be spoken to harshly, especially when they are in a position to help you.
“Let your gentle spirit (kindness, unselfishness, mercy, longsuffering, patience) be known to all men, for the Lord is near” (Philippians 4:5 AMP).
3. Pray for them.
When I was undergoing cancer treatment, I had wonderful caregivers who were a blessing to my family. She helped me in many ways, but one of the most wonderful ways she gave me support was by praying with me. I borrowed her expertise for this article and asked her what helped her feel supported and appreciated while she was a caregiver. One of her answers was that when we pray together out loud, I always pray for her and her family. Praying out loud may be embarrassing or intimidating, but there is great power in praying together. If your caregiver is comfortable praying with you, be sure to pray for them as well. Even if you don’t pray with them, you can always let them know you’re praying for their needs. Most people are so touched that you pray for them. They are helping you through your struggles. Perhaps God wants to use you to help them.
“Dear brothers and sisters, I invite you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to join me in my fight by praying to God for me. Do this because of the love for me that was given to you by the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:30).
We are accountable to God for how we treat those who serve us at this time in our lives. God has placed caregivers in your life to help you. But have you ever considered asking God why He put you in your caregiver’s life? You still have gifts to offer to others, and your caregiver may need the encouragement and faith-building that comes from the way you show your care.
“Bear one another’s burdens, so that we may fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).
Andrea Helzer is a writer who helps people with health challenges discover the beautiful richness of God’s sustaining love. Although she navigates life with debilitating pain and cancer, she loves sharing her contagious joy and incurable faith in Christ. Andrea lives in Central Texas with her wonderful husband Mark. They are blessed with three adult children. She is currently working on publishing her first book.
Sign up for free devotions, Bible-filled prayers, and surprises to brighten your day at her website to share your encouragement. Andrea founded the Facebook group Abundant Life for Abundant Illness to encourage and empower people living with health challenges. Follow Andrea on Instagram and Facebook for beautiful inspiration to lift your spirits.
