May 7, 2025, 8:42pm MDT
When he welcomed students during the spring semester of BYU-Hawaii, University President John Sk Kauwe III provided the advice of his father. Stay above your studies. Get plenty of sleep. Stay active. I’m off to the date.
“If you are married, we look forward to you continuing on your dates and cultivating all your strength, heart, strength and eternal relationships,” President Kaue said in a campus prayer on Tuesday, May 6th.
Standing alongside his wife’s sister, his wife, Monica Kauwe, President Cowwe noted that sealing ordinances and eternal family are fundamental to God’s plan of salvation.
“Whether you’re just starting a date or you’ve been married for years, the ability to speak openly, listen carefully and understand each other’s needs is essential,” Sister Kaue said.
Using their own examples of courtship and marriage, the president and sister Kauwe shared lessons about being a more Christlike communicator, especially in marriage and dating.
Lessons from courtship
The President and sister Kawwe met while attending Brigham Young University through mutual friends. They reconnected a few months later in the race on July 10th, and it turns out they are both trained to run marathons.
The next day, President Kaue called on her to ask on the date. But the Kaue sisters said no.
“I didn’t want to say no,” Sister Cowwe said. But at the time she was dating someone else. The relationship was coming to an end, but not officially.
After she settled things with the other young man, the Cowwe sisters called and asked if President Kaue wanted to train with her.
“She couldn’t have been any more wrong,” said President Kaue. Embarrassed by her previous rejection, he continued to focus on running along with their subsequent hours.
Sister Kawwe said, “We hadn’t been on a date yet, so we were trying to communicate.”
Eventually he called her for the date, but the experience shows a valuable lesson, Sister Kaue said. “Say what you’re saying. Don’t assume that others are filling the gap with correct information. They’re filling the gap, but probably with the wrong information.”
They did some things in their communications, President Kawwe noted. Running hundreds of miles side-by-side over weeks and months gave them time to talk, deep, meaningful conversations, and to speak without interruption.
“Without distractions, we connected on a cross-surface level and explored topics that were really important to both of us,” he said.
Sisters Kaue later encouraged listeners to “plan engaging and enjoyable activities that allow for conversations, shared experiences and opportunities to meet each other in a variety of settings.”
Communicate openly and honestly
After a few months of dating, the Kauwe sisters knew she wanted to marry him, she said. One day he told her about a friend he had dated for three years while attending colleges in various states. Knowing that he was planning to start his doctoral program the following year, the Cowwe sisters thought he wanted them to court similar long distances.
The following week, she was irritated, anxious and upset, and eventually called him in tears. They sat on the grass in front of the Probo Utah Temple and she asked, “Do you see you married to me?”
President Kaue said he was relieved. He wanted her to break up. He replied, “Well, yes.”
She explained that she thought the stories he shared meant that he was preparing her for such a relationship. He reassured her, “No, I was telling you about my friends.”
The conversation showed her, Sister Kaue said how open and pleased President Kaue was to communicate things, listen and do his job. “I felt understood, trusted, safe and loved.”
President Kaue said he understood how Sisters Kaue felt about her and their future, but thought they hadn’t made clear either of them.
“The lesson we’ve learned is that you have to trust your partner and share your true feelings with each other,” Sister Kawwe said.
President Darrin H. Oaks, the first counselor to the presidency, said, “Is trust a faith in gospel life in relationships? It’s the place of beginnings and the foundation that more can build.
“Dating is communication.”
President Kaue encouraged listeners to seek unity. “Marriage unity means supporting each other, making decisions together, and facing challenges as one. Strong communication is essential to creating and maintaining that unity.”
Like a couple, the Kaue sisters said they tried to be united by seeking revelation for their lives and their families. Communication creates love and unity, invites revelation from the Holy Spirit, and brings power from God through both blessings and trials.
In conclusion, the two testified that marriage was a pleasant part of God’s plan.
“Living justly in unity invites God’s power. When you make spiritual decisions and exercise your priesthood together, you will find joy, revelation and peace through God’s power and mercy,” said President Kaue.
