When I first felt disconnected from the typical Christmas cheer, I thought to myself, “What’s wrong? Why can’t it work? Why can’t I just be merry? Where has my ‘Christmas spirit’ gone?” But the more I thought about this phenomenon, the more I realized that I wasn’t the only one who had this feeling.
Many people enjoy this season from November to New Year. What’s not to love? From snowstorms to holiday celebrations and festivals, it’s a busy season. But for others, joy, sadness, loneliness, and anxiety exist even during the holidays.
From financial stress to chaotic family events, we have to admit that the behind-the-scenes “quiet” moments of Christmas can sometimes feel heavy and less glorious. We don’t have to steal the joy of Jesus and all that this season has to offer, but it’s essential to recognize, validate, and create a safe space for those who feel this way.
What does it mean when the season of celebrating the coming of Christ doesn’t feel or look like joy at all? How can we find God’s joy when it doesn’t come easily?
The quiet side of Christmas
In 2022, 13 million people During the holidays, I struggled with sadness. Currently, nearly 35% of people are not looking forward to the winter season, and 47% cite grief or the death of a loved one as their top stressor for the holidays. 61% of U.S. consumers even believe they will experience loneliness or sadness before the holidays begin. arrival.
Sadness, loneliness, and anxiety happen to everyone. But if we’re constantly comparing our lives to Hallmark movies and model homes on Instagram, what else can we expect? Most realities don’t have pretty kitchens with roaring fireplaces or perfect four-seater tables overlooking the river. The cookies won’t be freshly baked like they came from Martha Stewart’s house, but you’ll be lucky if your Christmas ornaments come out of the box before December 25th passes. But those are unrealistic expectations and standards we set for ourselves. No wonder we feel so down, discouraged, and frustrated.
Rather than pushing these emotions away, as a culture we need to learn to pause, process and reflect on them. We need to normalize the emotional complexities of Christmas and show that it’s okay to feel disconnected from the “holiday cheer” at times.
Why Christmas feels hard
Even if you haven’t experienced loss or grief, seeing others suffer during this time can amplify your own pain. If we have The emptiness is even deeper for those who have experienced deep grief due to the loss of a pet or loved one, or the loss of a loved one. Add to this family tensions and unmet expectations and you have a recipe for a perfect storm.
The pressure to feel joy makes us feel like we can’t be ourselves with God, ourselves, or anyone else. When we can’t be ourselves, we tend to close ourselves off and hide. This leads to us hiding our emotions and eventually becoming a pot of boiling water that explodes or overflows. neither is good healthy options.
Instead of being ashamed of these feelings and difficult situations, we need to consider what the Bible actually says. Yes, the joy of the Lord is our strength, and there is great reason to rejoice, but there is also a time and place to grieve and express concern to God, and that sometimes coincides with Christmas. And that doesn’t make you negative, pessimistic, or a Debbie downer.
God came into the chaos
Luke 2:6-7 has these words: “While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them” (NIV).
Everyone loves babies born today, but that wasn’t what the Old Testament people had in mind when they awaited the coming of the King. They wanted someone in power. A strong and rebellious person. What they found was a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger. Born in the most humble way possible. kind. Quiet. And mild. Control your power. The strength hidden in the screams.
Jesus was born into poverty, instability, and danger. From the moment Jesus was born, people wanted him dead. Can you even imagine? But the great thing about Jesus coming into the world is that because of God’s love for us, God chose to send Jesus into our mess. And just as Jesus was sent back then, that same Jesus is alive today, choosing and desiring to be a part of our confused hearts. Because God loves us, and feeling depressed or sad during the holidays doesn’t make that go away.
One of my favorite names for God is found in Isaiah 7:14. Immanuel (or Immanuel) is the prophetic name of the Messiah and means that God is “with us.” And God is still here. God is with us today, tomorrow, and forever. This verse not only refers to God’s presence and salvation through the blood of Jesus, but it also refers to God’s ability to be with and in us, no matter what we are going through or going through. God is with us now.
When we are happy, God is with us.
God is with us when we are sad.
When we are in good spirits at Christmas, God is with us.
Even though all we can do at Christmas is cry, God is with us.
Since God is with us, of course it’s not just God who is with us after we feel better. No, He is here and with us for a long time.
reconstitute joy
As Christians, there are common misconceptions and definitions of what it means to have the joy of the Lord. Sadly, we believe this means we are nothing but happy. But have you ever read the Psalms? There is even a book in the Bible called Lamentations. It’s okay to cry and express other emotions, friends. why? Because Jesus did it.
Yes, the joy of the Lord is our strength, and the Lord is with us. But joy in the Bible does not mean continuous happiness. No, joy needs to be redefined and reconfigured as a presence rather than a performance. Psalm 34:18 teaches us that just as God is with us when we rejoice and praise His name, so He is with us when we are overwhelmed.
“The Lord draws near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18, NIV).
Learning to reframe this joy is not easy, but it requires recognizing how we really feel, communicating those feelings to the Lord, and asking God to make His presence known to us. Because that’s where true progress shines. He says he has found meaningless peace. Not because our circumstances have changed, but because we know God who is in us and with us in those circumstances.
practical points
If you’re struggling to find joy this holiday season, know that you’re not alone. I also want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you and that it is okay to feel anything other than joy. But, my friend, you must be honest with God, with yourself, and with others about what you feel inside. You were never meant to carry it in solitude or silence.
A gentle piece of advice is to release the pressure to feel a certain way this holiday season. It brings joy and sadness. Let them come. Feel them. And let them go. They have a purpose and it is essential to verify them.
Next, create space to grieve. That’s correct! Set aside time and space to reflect, cry, and journal. Do whatever it takes to release your emotions in a healthy way.
Finally, practice being alone with God. I like to call this practice with my father “Silent Presence,” but you can call it whatever you want. The goal is to read and understand verses 5-7 of the Bible. Pray for God to open your heart and mind. Then wait for the Lord to speak. Sometimes it takes 5 minutes, sometimes it takes an hour. However, be sure to give yourself as much time as you need. Don’t talk or make demands. Focus on listening and creating space for God’s presence.
None of these habits will “cure” the winter blues I feel this time of year, but they have helped me. I hope they forgive you too. Not just to process your emotions, but to reassure yourself that it’s okay to feel something other than joy during the season of “Merry Christmas.” Not everyone is “cheerful” all the time, and that’s okay. It makes you human.
prayer
Dear Jesus,
Lord, will you meet us where we are today? If we are grieving, please help us come to you. Once we are satisfied, let us go to you. No matter what we are feeling, please help us come to you because you love us and care about what we are going through. Jesus, the time between Christmas and New Year may be difficult to get through, but you will always get through it with us. Please help us be open and honest with you. Help me to lay aside all shame and exchange it for the presence of your love. We love, praise, and thank Jesus. Amen.
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/kajakiki
Amber Ginter is a teacher-turned-author who loves Jesus, her husband Ben, and granola. Growing up, Amber looked for resources on faith and mental health, but couldn’t find anything. Now, she gives hope to young Christians struggling with mental illness that goes beyond just reading the Bible and praying more. Because even though we love Jesus, we can still be plagued by anxiety. You can download her top faith and mental health resources for free to help you navigate books, podcasts, videos, and influencers from a faith perspective. Visit her website at amberginter.com.
