The state of relationships today is an eye-opener. People seem to do anything, and if you break up with someone, it can end pretty badly. Entertainment doesn’t lend itself to dark, godless depictions of relationships, and cheating, co-sleeping, and having extra people in relationships (e.g., threesomes) have become the norm. No wonder people don’t know what real love is or don’t have lasting, committed relationships. As Christians who are married or dating, we need to set an example to those around us of how we behave and what a godly romantic relationship looks like.
Understanding love through a biblical lens
First, we need to understand what love is through a biblical lens. Relationships today are full of misconceptions and superficial understandings of love, but the Bible provides clarity, depth, and a framework for successful relationships. The Bible has several definitions of love.
●Agape love is the most well-known type of love and is characterized by unconditional, selfless, and sacrificial love. This is the type of love the Lord has for us humans, and this is the way we should love one another. Biblical references to this kind of love are in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and John 13:34-35. Modern relationships require us to practice forgiveness, compassion, and understanding.
●Eros love, that is, romantic love. Although Erotic love is often associated with desire and passion, it is rooted in the Bible’s focus on the sanctity of love in the context of marriage. Biblical references to this kind of love include the Song of Solomon and Hebrews 13:4. Eros love reminds us that physical attraction and romance are essential in relationships and encourages couples to cultivate them within a framework of mutual respect, devotion, and fidelity.
●Philia love represents friendship and brotherly love. Loyalty, friendship and mutual respect characterize it. Bible references include John 5:13 and Proverbs 17:17. In modern relationships, remember to build a friendship first and then see how things develop.
●Family love, Storge love, is a love that naturally occurs within a family and is characterized by a sense of belonging and affection. Biblical references to this kind of love include Romans 12:10 and Ephesians 5:25.
Here are some ways to connect Biblical love with modern relationships.
● Build a foundation of trust and respect.
● Prioritize commitment and loyalty.
● Foster emotional intimacy.
● Practice forgiveness and grace.
The importance of faith in romantic partnerships
Having common beliefs is extremely important in relationships. By studying the Bible and praying together, couples strengthen their bond and develop a deeper connection. Additionally, faith acts as a guiding force that shapes an individual’s values, morals, and life goals. When couples share the same faith, they agree, reduce conflict, and provide a common purpose.
Practicing selflessness and sacrifice
God calls us to practice selflessness and sacrifice in our relationships. In our modern society, this is an alien concept. However, these are the fundamental threads that bind couples together. Selflessness means not worrying about your own needs. Sacrifice is sacrificing something important for someone else. In a relationship, these two concepts intertwine to create a powerful dynamic that strengthens the bond and fosters mutual respect and love.
To be clear, selflessness does not mean ignoring your own needs and desires. Instead, acknowledge that both partners contribute to the health and happiness of the relationship.
By putting your partner’s needs first, you can:
● Build trust and security
● Promote open communication.
● Increase emotional intimacy
● Promote personal growth.
● Reward acts of kindness.
How to practice selflessness with your partner in everyday life
● Active listening
● Providing support
● Make time for each other
● Celebrate partner successes.
● Be adaptable.
Effective Communication: A Godly Approach
Effective communication is the foundation of a godly relationship, but it is severely lacking in today’s modern relationships. A godly approach to communication emphasizes values that foster open, honest, and respectful dialogue. Open dialogue is so important because it’s a way for people to express their thoughts and feelings without judgement. This encourages people to share things honestly, which is essential for resolving conflicts and fostering intimacy.
Here are some techniques to encourage open dialogue:
● Creating a safe environment
● Practice active listening.
● Promoting transparency
Here are some techniques to promote honesty:
● Model honest communication.
● Engage in constructive feedback.
●Strengthening trust
Techniques for maintaining respect include:
● Practice empathy.
● Avoid personal attacks
● Stay calm and collected.
Cultivate forgiveness and grace
Modern relationships sometimes lack the forgiveness and grace that are essential to a healthy relationship. At its core, forgiveness is a deliberate decision to let go of any grudges or thoughts of revenge against someone who has caused you pain or harm. Contrary to popular belief, forgiveness does not mean condoning the wrongdoings of the person who harmed you. Rather, it helps relieve the emotional stress caused by these actions and frees oneself from bitterness and hostility. This is important to remember in romantic relationships, both in everyday life and during conflicts. By doing so, you will be an example of forgiveness to those around you.
Why forgiveness is important in conflict resolution
● Breaking the chain of retaliation
● Promotes emotional healing.
● Repair relationships.
● Develop empathy.
Setting Boundaries That Respect God
These days, there seem to be no boundaries when it comes to relationships, be it physical, emotional, or spiritual. People do what they want to do and how they see fit. But God has set boundaries to protect our mental and emotional health and foster healthy romantic relationships.
Boundaries are personal property boundaries that define what a person is comfortable with and how they expect to be treated by others. There are many boundaries, each serving a purpose.
● Physical. These boundaries focus on personal space, privacy, and sexual restrictions.
●Emotional. This deals with how people express their feelings and expectations. Healthy emotional boundaries prevent people from taking on the emotions of others and encourage open and honest communication.
●Spiritual. These boundaries include respecting each other’s faith walk and relationship with God. These create space for personal beliefs while allowing room for growth and dialogue.
Setting boundaries is healthy to protect relationships and personal integrity. This is a great way to set a godly example for your family and friends.
A romantic gesture that reflects God’s love
We live in a fast-paced world and romantic gestures are often overlooked. Still, we can draw inspiration from the teachings of our ancient faith. When we tap into the essence of God’s love, we can create romantic gestures that deepen our bonds and reflect our values. Here are some ideas.
● Scripture-inspired love letters (select a passage about love and include a testimony about how it applies to your personal relationship).
● Weekly Day of Prayer (spend time in prayer together each week and choose a weekly theme).
● Acts of service inspired by love (cooking a special meal or doing a chore you don’t like)
● Create a blessing jar (prepare a jar, fill it with blessings you have received as individuals or as a couple, and read them together weekly or monthly).
● Volunteer together
● Plan a faith-centered date night.
● Plan a little surprise.
Create a love story rooted in purpose
You can envision and pursue a relationship that is in line with God’s plan for the two of you, and these steps will help you get on the right track.
● Deepen your relationship with God by praying and studying the scriptures together.
● Identify your God-given purpose through self-reflection and seek God’s direction.
● Align with partners, including shared values and common goals.
● Foster relationships based on spiritual principles, such as communicating openly, praying together, and serving together.
● Move through challenges with purpose by seeking guidance from the Bible and practicing forgiveness and grace.
● Leave room for growth in yourself and your relationships.
● Celebrate your journey by reflecting on your milestones and sharing your journey with others.
Setting a godly example in your romantic relationships is essential to showing others that you belong to and represent Christ. You may influence someone to explore your relationship with God or to ponder what they want in a future lover.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages-monkeybusinessimages
Carrie Laurence is a freelance writer and author. Her work has been featured in Crosswalk, iBelieve, Huffington Post, and Penny Hoarder. She is also the author of three children’s books, three pretty romance books, one romance novel, three poetry collections, and one nonfiction book. When she’s not writing, she enjoys cooking, baking, reading, and spending time with her husband and cute cat, Cupcake. For more information about Carrie and her writing, please visit www.carrielowrance.com.
