How would you answer this question?
If I reply on behalf of my husband, I will tell you about myself. His love is definitely patient.
The other day he sat on the couch so he could take a closer look at my mom’s phone. He was setting up her Siri.
“To launch Siri, swipe diagonally. From the corner. No, let me show you. Do this.”
After my mother succeeded, he continued: “Now say, ‘Hey, Siri.'”
she obeyed.
“Speak louder this time.”
They repeated this step until her phone’s operating system forced her to say the new line. John read it out loud to Mom. “Now say, ‘Hey, Siri. What’s the weather like today?'”
“How’s the weather today?”
“No, you need to say everything. So just say, ‘Hey, Siri. What’s the weather like today?'”
They went back and forth until my mother’s phone recognized her voice commands.
There’s a reason my husband, not me, helped my mom with technology. This man has such deep endurance that those who do not know how to swim may be swallowed up.
What about me?
As I was looking for a parking spot on Friday, I noticed a slight movement up ahead. perfection! The SUV was backing up. The parking issue was nearing its expiration date.
I zoomed over to position myself behind the car and looked at the clock to see it was 4:13 p.m.
What takes so long? Please move now.
Of course the other driver couldn’t hear my thoughts, so I rapped my fingers on the steering wheel. Several shoppers were seen moving their groceries into the trunk of their car. I looked at the clock a little more.
Strange. It’s only 4:13, right?
The car I was waiting for finally moved, but only by a few centimeters.
I know some elderly people who can walk faster than this car.
The driver’s slow pace excited me so much that I heard him sarcastically yelling at the slow car, “Back up as slow as you can, pulley!”
I glared and glanced toward the driver’s seat, and the car finally had mercy and vacated a spot so I could claim. The driver was not elderly.
Now you know my answer to the title of this article. No, my love is not patient.
But I’m also open to growing, which is why I decided to write this article.
The many benefits of patience
The Bible details why it is essential to mature in patience. For one thing, it leads to completion. “Let patience finish its work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing” (James 1:4). If you feel you need to get the king to see things your way, be patient (Proverbs 25:15).
Are you serious about doing God’s perfect will? Learn from Abraham and Sarah (Genesis 15-21). Their story began with God’s promise to an heir. But when her patience wore thin and she remained childless, Sarah planned for her husband to sleep with the maid.
A son came, but it was not the son God had planned. Sarah had to be involved in the couple’s baby. Because these two people would eventually spread the entire tribe of Israel. To commemorate this occasion, the Lord prepared not one, but two miracles. Isaac was to be conceived by a father whose body was “as good as dead” and a mother whose womb was barren (Romans 4:19).
The message God conveyed through this double miracle resonates through time. If God breathed life into two corpses and multiplied to become an entire nation, what could He not do for the rest of humanity?
What do you aspire to? Spouse? Lake house? A comfortable savings account? Place your will in God’s hands and learn to wait.
If you let God move at his own pace, you will rejoice in receiving your own Isaac.
But perhaps the most important benefit of having enough patience is the number of souls we can reach. When we run out of patience, we develop discriminatory attitudes. That’s because our impatience forces us to cut people who don’t respond quickly enough to our requests, which limits the number of people we can serve.
Importantly, humans exhibit different reaction rates. Some cluster on the fast end of the spectrum, others around the average range, and still others on the slow end. Some people may take longer to respond due to age, physical disability, mental disability, or unspecified reasons, but the more patient we are, the more people we can reach.
God’s extravagant love longs to embrace as many hearts as possible. Notice the italicized words in the apostle Peter’s proclamation. “The Lord is not slow to keep his promise, as some understand that he is slow, but is patient with you, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9).
His perseverance is the reason the world didn’t end. His patience will buy time and allow more souls to accept Jesus as Lord, thereby saving them from eternal damnation (John 3:16).
As children of God, we are to follow our Father’s example (Ephesians 5:1).
7 steps to become more patient
Galatians 5:22-23 describes patience (also called patience) as one of the characteristics of the fruit of the Spirit. These qualities are called fruits because the Holy Spirit is the gardener and cultivates all nine flavors in our lives as we allow Him to do His work.
This interesting arrangement means that both parties have responsibilities. We can expect the Holy Spirit to play that role, but we also have a role to play.
One way to release our responsibilities is to apply the principles of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy to address the impatient parts of our souls. Therefore, when you lose your patience, write down the incident in your mind. Perform the following steps only when you are alone and have free time.
1. Tell yourself. “Can we talk about the part you were nervous about?”
2. Notice your inner reactions. The impatient part may make its presence known by sinking thoughts into your mind (such as “It’s me” or “What do you want?”). Or you may start to feel more and more irritated. Or maybe a physical sensation catches your attention. In any case, wait until the impatient part receives some kind of confirmation that it has accepted your invitation to a meeting.
3. What do you think about the impatient part? If your answer is something other than curiosity or compassion, there may be another part of your soul. Allow all other parts of you to give space in your heart until you can truly feel compassion and curiosity for the impatient part.
4. Send your compassion and curiosity to that part.
5. Ask the other person, “Why are you impatient?” Don’t think about the answer. Notice what happens. Perhaps the answer to that part could come in the form of a childhood memory reel about how your caregiver used to get mad at you. Alternatively, that part may reveal beliefs about the superiority of speed.
6. If you have any reaction to what you see, please share it with your contact person. It is also appropriate to thank them for responding to your previous inquiries.
7. Mention on your part the benefits of patience discussed earlier. Communicate your intention to be more patient. Ask if the part welcomes help increasing their patience.
As a certified IFS therapist, I can attest to the power of making friends with parts of you, including rebellious and resistant parts. The more you open up to your impatient side, the more likely he will listen to you. Share your part of the Holy Spirit’s gentle power to heal your wounds and grow the fruits of your patience.
My love is not so patient. I know that. But I will do my part to mature in patience as I allow the Holy Spirit to work within me.
what about you?
Photo credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Jantanee Rungpranomkorn
Dr. Audrey Davidhiser (www.aimforbreakthrough.com) is a California licensed psychologist, Internal Family Systems (IFS) Certified Therapist, and IFSI Certified Clinical Consultant. After founding the Los Angeles Dream Center Counseling Center, she now provides IFS therapy to trauma survivors, including those with religious trauma, and assists with IFS training. She is a regular writer for Crosswalk.com and a columnist for iBelieve.com. Her book, Grieving Wholeheartly, about how IFS supports the grieving process, was published by InterVarsity Press in July 2025. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Substack @DrAudreyD.
