I’m not particularly up to date on social media trends, but I love hearing stories about the children we all serve.
But sometimes these stories encourage surprisingly deep reflections. That was true of the virus’s “we listen and not judge.”
It might sound stupid at first, but he stopped me with my truck. Apparently, people on social media channels set up cameras to record with themselves, another person making an embarrassing (but almost harmless) confession. They listen, and many laugh and “do not judge.”
We long for it even if we avoid vulnerabilities.
The reason the trend has become a virus is because it summons and captures a real, spontaneous moment of vulnerability between the two. The viral joke form was able to utilize something deeply, typically human. We long for it even if we avoid vulnerabilities.
We are known to be vulnerable, made to know the joy of God’s love for us. Jesus himself tells us many times about what we need to live in God’s love and love each other well. As outlined in Romans 12, all the marks of true Christians are related to loving one another.
“Let’s make love authentic,” the list begins. “Avoid evil. Hold good things quickly. Love one another with the affection of brothers. Overcome one another to show honor. Don’t rude the enthusiasm, but be eager to the spirit and serve the Lord. Romans 12:9-12 ESV)
In Matthew 7, Jesus advises us along these same lines. “Don’t judge, you will judge that you will not judge. (Matthew 7:1-2 ESV)
God’s plan for us is a community of loving.
God’s plan for us is a community of loving. Learning to build healthy and trustworthy relationships with other individuals in the body of Christ is one of the most important ways that we can make it a reality.
This trend also drives the fact that it is important to lead with love rather than judgement in order to gain and maintain trust. It is not merely an instruction from Jesus. It’s a wise and practical command.
I want to say with Young Life that we have to earn the right to listen. As they approach a conversation, the leader immediately listens and is slow to speak.
Establishing trust is not easy. In fact, it can be one of the most time-consuming and vulnerable things to do when building a relationship. It’s also one of the most important things we can do, especially if someone else is struggling with hardships and adversity.
Our recent related project was a research study aimed at learning more about youth, and has repeatedly highlighted how they can thrive in their lives, how important it is to develop resilience and enlightenment of relationships.
Of course, it’s for everyone, of all ages. It’s not just the young adults and adolescents who spent time researching. Young adults in relationships (but deeper) felt safer and more loved than younger adults with many superficial relationships with peers and adults.
That applies to all of us. We long for vulnerability without judgment. We were made and done for a deep relationship. And deeper listening is required for deeper relationships. Only deep listening can create real vulnerabilities.
You need to listen first and approach the relationship. It’s only after you start listening and then you have the right to talk about someone else’s life.
This does not mean that building trust and mutual love requires a pause of moral commitment. Of course, we are obliged to hold each other accountable and speak against sin, but we are also obliged to do so with wisdom, charity and restraint.
Others who “do not judge” do not mean refusing to admit guilt, flaws, or misconduct. That means speaking affectionately and appropriately to those who need corrections.
God is our judge. Our mission as Christians is to show his heart to those who need him the most.
Listen first and only speak after you know that others share their hearts.
Maybe the person in our lives saw or did something bad or shocking. Maybe he or she was suffering more than everyone expected. I recommend you only talk after you hear first and know that others share their whole heart. This witness is cautious and calm, without compromising moral clarity or integrity.
I learn from the ministry leaders I work with and from the stories I hear about what they share every day. I’ve learned to stock up on ways to get closer to people in my life.
I recommend doing the same thing. Join us in this trend when we try to listen without judgment.
Newt Crenshaw loves Jesus and he loves the mission of his young life. Introducing youth to Jesus and help them grow in faith. He first encountered young life in 1980, setting up leaders, committee chairs, loyal advocates, ministries, and was the sixth president since 2016. Newt is currently leading the mission with a divine vision of knowing 8 million children by 2030. This “known” initiative reflects the belief that every young man is deeply known, eager to know his creator and find a purpose in his relationship. He promises to know Jesus, to know the young people, to let him know him.
