You don’t always speak kindly.
The words of the believers were as sharp as a knife. I tried to act according to the Holy Spirit and show the fruit of the Spirit in my life, but I wasn’t perfect. This especially applies to my words. When I clearly communicated the truth to others, it sometimes came across as mean or harsh.
When I introspected to see if this was true, I came to the following surprising conclusion:
Jesus wasn’t always kind either.
Jesus called the Pharisees vipers, said their contents were like a dirty cup, and implied that they were hypocrites because they knew the law but did not do it themselves. While we often portray Jesus as a kind and loving hippie who always loved others and never said a mean word, the Bible paints a very different story.
Jesus knew that the Pharisees would not change because he could discern what was in people’s hearts. Their souls were filled with great pride because although they knew the law, they could not put it into practice themselves. They were so busy blaming others that they couldn’t bring the blame back to themselves. When Jesus heard this, he was furious.
The Holy Spirit lives within us, and the fruits of the Spirit must be displayed in our lives so that others can see our Christ-like character, but the reality is that we are not always called to be kind to others.
But we are called to love others. There is a difference.
Avoiding saying a harsh word to someone out of fear that they might hate us is not the response Jesus wants us to have. Jesus never depended on someone else’s identity to give him approval or self-worth. Instead, he clung to his father and knew who he was.
He sometimes made exceptions to being kind because he knew that simply withholding unkind words would never change their hearts. By telling the truth to each other, you can give them a chance to repent and move forward in their spiritual walk. Don’t love them in the name of kindness, love you.
Here are some ways I learned the meaning of true kindness.
Kindness is not about sweeping problems under the rug
Many Christians choose to hide this problem instead of allowing anger and unforgiveness to fester in their souls. Many Christians believe that simply saying “I’m sorry” will make the situation okay without a clear path to repentance. People who receive an apology believe that by saying, “That’s okay,” they can truly process their anger, forgiveness, unforgiveness, and other issues surrounding the crime, and that the apology will magically make things better. But hiding the problem will only make things worse. Issues left unresolved today will eventually surface elsewhere.
It is essential that we discuss this issue. The person who has been offended needs to be able to verbalize how the offense made him or her feel. The other person must accept responsibility, apologize, and try to improve the situation through repentance.
No one is perfect, but one should try to treat people better. However, people who just say “I’m sorry” and then continue the behavior are not truly sorry. However, sometimes it feels like an apology will cover up the situation and make you act as if it never existed.
Kindness is telling the truth clearly
Jesus personified the Holy Spirit by being kind to everyone. But sometimes he used words that the world considered unkind to encourage the Pharisees to change. He called them fellow vipers and said their insight was like a dirty cup, like overturning a table in the temple while exploiting it for personal financial gain. Based on these criteria, many may feel that Jesus is not kind. Yet he chose to show kindness through truth.
Christians need to tell or articulate the truth to others. People may be hurt when they hear that story, but that doesn’t mean they don’t love that person. In fact, people who don’t tell others the truth and just go along with what others do are not kind or loving at all. In fact, they love themselves more than they love you.
Sometimes telling others the truth and getting them to change is the most loving thing you can do in a situation. When we see someone going down the wrong path, we must warn them of the consequences if they continue down that path. This is not unkind. It’s about showing kindness and compassion to someone you know is making the wrong choice. If you see that a person’s choices will have a negative impact on their future life, it is essential to warn them.
Sometimes we are not necessarily aware of the problems in our lives. We need people in our lives who will tell us the truth. For example, when David’s sin with Bathsheba clouded his mind, he had the prophet Nathan speak. He lost his way when his heart became hardened with sin as he tried to cover up his adultery with Bathsheba.
He could no longer have the intimate relationship with Jesus God that he desired. Nathan came to him and told him that he was doing something that was hurting himself in his relationship with God. David listened to him with humility and chose to change his ways.
Without David’s strength and courage to warn him about his actions, David might have made even more dangerous decisions that changed not only himself, but those around him. As a king, he must make decisions in the best interests of his people. When he chose to make selfish decisions, starting with sleeping with Bathsheba, he no longer had the intimate access to God that they once had.
David’s commitment to repentance changed everything. But it was Nathan who set the change in motion.
Kindness is more than words
Kindness is more than just saying something nice about someone’s outfit or saying hello on a Sunday morning. Kindness is what makes people grow. Kindness can mean affirming someone’s character, but it can also mean taking action. We often think of acts of kindness as expressions of love and compassion for others.
We can be kind to someone without saying anything. It is through our actions that we set a Christlike example for the world to emulate. If you want to become a kinder person who exhibits Christlike qualities, you need to act in concrete, practical ways that help others.
Think of ways you can be kind without saying anything. Consider volunteering at your local food pantry, raising money for people living in poverty in your community, and helping those in need.
Kindness, like other fruits of the spirit, is easier said than done. But if we understand that we don’t hide our problems, tell others the truth, and let our actions determine our actions, not our words, we can become the kind of people the world needs.
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Prostock-Studio
Michelle S. Lazurek is an award-winning multi-genre author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and mother. She is a literary agent with Wordwise Media Services and host of The Spiritual Reset podcast. Her new children’s book, Hall of Faith, encourages children to understand that God can be trusted. When I’m not working, I enjoy drinking Starbucks lattes, collecting 80’s memorabilia, and spending time with my family and dog. For more information, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.
