Christmas is one of my favourite times. I love to snuggle under a blanket watching hot cocoa, Christmas decorations, Christmas music, Christmas movies, eggnogs, parties, and all the traditions that Christmas brings. I love seeing family and friends that I haven’t seen in a while. I love to remind myself of childhood memories of my aunt and cousin baking pies in the kitchen.
But let’s be honest. Christmas is one of the most difficult times of the year for many, especially for single parents.
My first Christmas as a single mother is one of my saddest memories. My little son and I spent the day alone. I was a brand new mom and had a hard time finding my way. Can I be a good mom too? I often wondered. I lay in the bed and cried, so I stared at most of the day. The phone didn’t ring. No one knocked on my door. We couldn’t stand cooking Christmas meals just for both of us. It doesn’t seem to even be the right words to describe how sad the day is. I was eager to go to work to interact with other adults.
I want to tell you that, it was my only Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, or Valentine’s. I spent many days as a single mother. Frankly, many of them were sad. I want to encourage all of your single mothers to avoid making the same mistakes as me. Those holidays were often spent with me and lived in things I didn’t have. I was convinced that everyone had a better life than me, and I was mad. I wondered why my kids had to suffer from not having two parents in their home. It was sad that there was little money to provide Christmas toys. I clearly huddled together under my covers and prayed for the days.
Here’s what I wanted to do years ago:
1. You choose to focus on what God has given you. Maybe things didn’t happen as you planned. Who will live life? God blessed you immeasurably. Start with the cross. If God does nothing else for us, wouldn’t that be enough? But he doesn’t stop there. He gives us the sisterhood of single mothers throughout our beautiful and amazing children, jobs, residences, friends, health, family, church family and the life of single mothers ministry. God is good, faithful, and tentative. Praise him this season!
2. Choose to please the real reason for the season. Focus on the birth of Christ. Read Christmas stories to your kids no matter what their age. They create traditions with them, such as baking cookies, create nursing home decorations, and serve in the soup kitchen. We will focus on the true meaning of the season through our service to other people and family traditions. Holidays can be a much more special time.
3. You choose to concentrate on the freedom that Christ has given you. Will I be completely honest with you? Christ paid my freedom many years ago, but I refused to walk in it. You know, bitter, merciless, angry was my choice. It was my choice to play the victim and wonder why I endured so much. Only when I stopped talking terrible things in life, and when I chose to move beyond my past, I embraced the freedom of Christ for my life. I chose life. I chose freedom. That’s when I really learned to celebrate each season every day. My perspective in life has changed. The joy was mine. Today you can be yours.
Jennifer Magio is the life of the Department of Single Mothers, a mom of three, Jeff’s wife and founder of the national nonprofit organization. She is the author of four books, including churches and single mothers. She was named one of America’s top 10 most influential people in 2017 and 2015 by Dr. John Maxwell and has appeared in hundreds of media venues including the New York Times, Dr. James Dobson, Joni, Friends and other family talk radio.
