June 12, 2025, 7:21pm MDT
“It’s my mother’s fault!”
These are words that we heard from one of the young men on our backpacking adventures when he realized there was nothing he wanted.
“Why is that her fault?” I asked.
“She packed my backpack,” the young man said.
I decided to do a better job explaining to young men and well-meaning parents that stuffing their own backpacks is a boy’s job. They may have to learn from some mistakes, but they will learn to own their mistakes.
Of course, I didn’t want young men to fail in unproductive ways. I oversee the preparation of young men, but I knew that putting young men in real responsibility was essential to their learning and development. Is it easy for leaders and parents to pack a boy’s backpack themselves? Yes, but what does a boy learn from that?
The goal is not necessarily a fully packed backpack. It’s a well-named young man. Ask the Bible Nephi, Mormon, Heraman warriors and other young people who were given great responsibility at a young age.
Carol Dweck, professor of psychology at Stanford University, pioneered the research into fixed and growth mindsets. Essentially, people with a growth mindset believe that by striving to learn and develop, they can improve their abilities. Young men who are challenged and given real responsibility learn that their efforts will be rewarded. They also experience productive failures.
In contrast, unchallenged young people may internalize the message that they are incompetent or needy. Protecting young men from the hard stuff creates vulnerability because they never learn to adapt or recover.
Are young men given meaningful responsibility at presidential meetings and youth councils?
Are leaders expressing their trust by allowing boys to fight real concerns and create solutions for themselves?
Do leaders remember following up on “scaffolding” support? Do you receive temporary and adjustable assistance as needed, like scaffolding in a building under construction?
Leaders help build responsible youths by providing encouragement (“You have this”), training (“Think in advance”), feedback (“Good work”), and reflection (“Didn’t work? What did it go wrong?”).
It guides young men to resources in the Gospel Library. In the “Youth” section, you will find “President’s Support,” including valuable “leadership lessons” and “planning documents” that provide tools and training to young people.
Don’t be embarrassed by activities that require extra effort. When I was once the mission president in Cameroon, I asked one of the missionaries, “How do you manage the strictness of missions in sub-Saharan Africa?”
He replied. “I was prepared, struggled and I was able to finally complete a 50-mile trek as a young man.”
The Savior learned through the most difficult experience of all. When he did tone sin, he was suffering “according to the flesh,” so he was able to understand and lift us in our frailty. In Alma 7, “(Jesus) takes on him his frailty. His intestines may be full of his mercy, according to the flesh. He may know how to follow his people according to their flesh and take over his people.
– The R. Todd Minor brothers are members of the Young Men General Advisory Council.
