If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it millions of times, “They grow very quickly.”
I think I spent most of my parenting troubled by the phrase. When they are newborns and you haven’t been sleeping or showering for days, it doesn’t feel that fast.
In the age of toddlers they paint your walls and throw tantrums into the store, it doesn’t feel that fast.
When they were in their primary school days, they were talking and telling you no, it doesn’t feel that fast.
Then, in the teenage years, it doesn’t feel that fast, with hormones, friends, mood swings, attitudes.
Then one day, you see them as they enter the adults and suddenly feel that it has passed too quickly. All the time you didn’t believe it and didn’t believe it, but now it’s real. All of the hard and good parenting days were faster than I had imagined.
Our daughter came in as a small surprise. My husband and I had only been married for five months when we found out what we were expecting. I was 20 years old, but I still don’t know who I am when she appeared in our lives.
I was worried that I would ruin her, that parenting wouldn’t be my strength (and even on days when that wasn’t). When she grew up, I grew up. I learned what it means to be a mother, to make sacrifices, and looking back, they were the most difficult days, but they shaped me. She shaped me.
Even today, my youngest is 10 years old, my 13 year old sister, and her younger sister is her fourth grade. I look at them and feel so deeply that the season when they become smaller is past. They are growing up, time keeps pushing, and being a mom is a gift.
Certainly being a mom is the most difficult and best job. What we were doing back then shapes how we reflect the old-fashioned phrase “they grow very quickly.” There are some wisdom I gained from those years, and in retrospect, there is still a lot that God teaches me about motherhood.
Regardless of the season of motherhood, there are beautiful moments, moments of reflection in gratitude. And now, and in the age of hard and overwhelming, there are ways to be intentional as a mother.
I’ll taste the little things
A camera-equipped phone allows you to catch a few moments in a video or movie. These moments we often overlook are moments that we cherish. It’s the first time they’re watching them read books themselves. Wearing for the first time, I praise my attempt to defend a combo of pants, dresses and sunglasses of my choice.
A small moment like a photo they drew for you, Christmas pajamas, a movie night, a snuggle on the sofa, a basketball game in the driveway. When they grow up, it’s the little thing you miss the most. It is the smallest thing that fills my heart with the most joy right now.
I accept the confusion
Toy days on the floor, dirt on the sofa, and breading crumbs in the strangest places end. The pile of laundry decreases, sippy cups collect dust, and the confusion they make disappears. I always felt like I would keep up with the confusion. There was always something to scrub and clean. There was a day on the floor where I screamed for toys. Thankfully, my youngest still leaves toys on the table to find books, but I know that soon those toys will be exchanged for others.
Confusion is temporary, but they are beautiful as they are markers of fun, laughter and joy. A pile of laundry marks the people in your home with love and treasure. You may not believe it now, but you will miss it. Everything about it.
Look at the most important things
There is no greater joy than teaching your children about Christ. As a mom, stay in your words and teach your children the words. Ask them questions and allow them to be ready to answer. Be prepared to say, “I don’t know the answer, but we can find it together.” Pray with them. Read the words with them. Take them to the church. Challenge them and show them Christ in your life.
When the sun is stiff and you are exhausted, it is Christ who gives you strength. Look to Christ. He is the one who blessed you to your children, and he is the person you bring in as you grow and spread your wings.
I laugh in confusion
In a time of chaotic times, I think I spent more time crying than happy. I think I spent more frustrating time than laughing. In chaos, it’s okay to wipe your tears and laugh. The difficult things shape us. The days that feel like too much are soon behind us. When my boy gets into trouble, every time they do or say something cute, and in the midst of my anger, I will smile or laugh.
Give yourself grace. They are learning, and so are you. Laugh and rejoice.
In our homeschool days, when they were small, they weren’t clicking anything, the frustration was high, so we stopped everything and went outside. We either travel to the park or go out for sweet treats. When we focus on joy, confusion and frustration fades away.
Let me have a little of them
One of the things I miss most is building a fort, endless cinema nights cuddle up on the sofa and fall asleep. When the days are difficult, these are the first things we want. When we are roped to the same film millions of times, we think we need to do everything else. When the fort is built, we remain in the chaos created.
We want them to grow. We want less confusion, but when confusion fades, we miss them. We want to get them back. We realize that they are gifts and signs of life in your home.
Do something big
Celebrate everything. Movie nights, Christmas pajama camping out, couch cuddles, school achievements, and what’s important to them. Do something big. Stay in every embrace and don’t let go first.
There are days when they are finally getting right through those fractional problems, when they don’t fall off their bikes, and then there are days when they will eventually memorize that biblical verse. We celebrate it. Do something big.
Looking back now, I feel it deeply, so I don’t underestimate the phrase “they grow faster.” A mixture of sadness and joy as my kids grow up and realize who they are. I can look back on their time and see that God is so good and faithful. I can look back and sit gratefully for the time given to raise and love them. I look forward to the future where they see them as the incredible people God has made them. When they have their own beautiful children, I can remind them that “they grow faster.”
Photo Credit: ©GetTyimages/Recept-BG
Michelle Lavon helps women become disciples. Michelle has a ministry MDIV with women from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary and is currently the female ministry director at a local church. She is also the author of Holy Confusion. When she isn’t writing or teaching, she enjoys reading, being near the ocean and drinking plenty of coffee. You can connect to Michelle at www.michellerabon.com
