When God created the heavens and the earth, there was a particular moment when he turned on the light and separated the light from the darkness forever (Genesis 1:3). We are made with the image of God, both male and female (v. 27). We cannot speak, but appear from everything on planets, animals and trees, carrying the inherited image of our creator and the heritage of speaking light in dark places.
All you want to do is yell at him and tell your husband about life
Pay attention to hidden struggles
If we speak the light, then when our loved ones are stuck in the dark, we must be able to pay attention to those moments. In these times we may have to overlook or delay the obvious modifications that could be offered. We need to see who they are and where they are.
When I started talking to people about more lives, Dave was not the only person in our home on the receiving end. I remember one night when one of our sons was a senior in high school. He came to our bedroom and taught me something. It’s the spring semester and he’ll soon head to college to play football. I don’t remember not noticing the shadow within him, but for some reason I felt compelled to tell him the light anyway. Before he left, I grabbed him by his shoulder and looked straight at him.
“Look at you,” I glowed. “You’re amazing in every way. Your gift of leadership is different from what I saw with people of your age. You’ll be someone who will forever affect many people, even if you go to college and don’t know that yet.”
Honestly, he seemed rather unimpressed. But that didn’t stop me. I continued. “When you speak, people are attracted to you and God is going to use you powerfully. And I can’t wait for it to happen!”
Finally, he said, “Okay, mom. I got it. Thank you.” As you know, the typical teenage boy’s reaction.
I’d sleep to him and he shuffled into the bed. But about 30 minutes later he came to our bedroom and cried.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Mom, I’m not that guy. Everything you said, it’s not true!” Tears fell from his eyes to the floor. His face was washed away with pain.
“No, honey. I promise it’s true.”
He cut off me. “No, I don’t know what I actually first drank last weekend. That’s me. You don’t even know who I am, mom.” He continued to sob.
Seek wisdom in difficult moments
Now this was one of those moments when I definitely had to surrender my way and deny speaking from my main feelings. I wanted to straighten him about his poor decision. But when you’re in such a situation, the best move is to avoid being surprised. For some reason I was calm and whispered a prayer to God to help me know what to say. believe me. If you ask God to help in such a moment, he will definitely do so.
I took my son to my shoulder again and said, “It might be something you did last weekend, but it’s not you. Everything I said about you is absolutely true.”
His attitude began to change. He was more peaceful. I can say that God used my words to strengthen him.
Looking back, “This is who you are. You made a mistake, but your heart is always coming back to the Lord. He is brave enough to admit what he did.
Accepting weakness for greater strength
Before pulling out the “Mama of the Year” sash and tiara, know that there are many times when I’m not responding the right way. And what I wanted to say is, “You have a basis for the rest of your life and I’m going to homeschool you through university and medical school!” But my best strength doesn’t show itself by coming down hard on him. It manifests itself by being weak enough to let go of my momentary, harsh instincts. It meant letting go of control so I could get better, something powerful, encouragement. The good news is that we are all already weak, so we are already on the way. You don’t need to be strong. You just need to surrender.
Finally, another wisdom on these types of issues. Let’s go back to Ephesians 4:29. This encourages people to talk about “only things that help them build others according to their needs.” Do you know what I’m taking from now on? It’s the perfect time to speak the light into the darkness. There is ample time and opportunity for revision and dispute resolution. But when you realize you doubt yourself (and you will often do), whatever it is, speak light into the darkness. Tell the truth. I’ll talk about love. I’ll talk about encouragement. I’ll talk about my hopes. I’ll talk about life.
Before you go any further, take a moment to go to our graceful God and confess to him everything you feel and think. I have gone through many days when I had to repent of many harsh words and attitudes of mine. It’s okay; talk to God about it. Tell him the truth, which is the definition of confession. He looks at you and wants the best for you and your family.
Adjust from the way you tell your husband life: All you want to do is yell at him. Copyright©2025 by Dave and Ann Wilson. Published by Zondervan. Used with permission. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited.
Dave and Ann Wilson are co-hosts of Family Life Today®. They are also co-founders of Kensington Church, a national numerous church that hosts more than 14,000 participants each weekend. Dave and Anne are authors of Vertical Marriage. The only secret to change your marriage, and Anne’s new book, How to tell your husband about life: What you want to do is when you yell at him. Wilson lives in the Detroit area. There, Dave served as Pastor Detroit Lions for 33 years. Dave and Anne have three grown sons, CJ, Austin and Cody, and three stepdaughters and six grandchildren.
