I like to remind couples who speak during the Christmas and holiday season (inevitably busy) of a simple but important fact about the birth of Jesus. That is, no one prepared a place for Jesus.
He was laid in a manger, not because the livestock would make a fun nativity play or an interesting carol, but because no one had time for a woman in labor and her newborn child.
Making room for Jesus at Christmas time is the most important thing we can do.
Making room for Jesus at Christmas time is the most important thing we can do. The holiday season can be spent buying gifts, parties, cooking, decorating, traveling, working, and so much more. None of this is inherently bad. They are not meant to satisfy your soul. Indoor white space during the holiday season often leaves little room for visitors.
But making room for Christ in our hearts, souls, and marriages is an essential part of Advent and, in fact, an essential part of long-term marital success.
First, take your time.
Let’s move at the pace we were created to live.
When we slow down enough to take a deep breath, remember who we are, and connect with our spouse, we move to the pace we were created to live.
An exercise I love to do with couples uses Isaiah 9:6 as the basis for joint reflection. Couples, I encourage you to consider some of the many names Isaiah gave us in connection with God. They are the “Wonderful Counselor,” the “Mighty God,” the “Eternal Father,” and the “Prince of Peace.”
Then I ask them, individually and together: Who is God to you? Who is he to you this season? How is he acting in your marriage?
I ask them to choose one of the names of God given in the passage. And for those of you who are trying to make more room for God in your life, I encourage you to reflect on how God has called you to interact with Him.
What does it mean to find peace? What does it mean to receive great advice? What does it mean to have a father who is forever and completely loving?
Zooming in on questions to ponder can help couples slow down and uncover what God is doing in them during the holidays, rather than getting stuck focused on what’s happening to them.
Second, when we act, we act together.
Build a shared tradition.
An easy way to start this is to build a tradition of sharing. The key word here is sharing.
Sometimes I think the traditions I had as a child are ones that my wife would like to adopt as well. Spoiler: Not necessarily! But here’s the beautiful part. We can create fresh traditions straight from the heart, blending our unique ‘us’ into something special.
Decorate cookies and enjoy a luxurious Christmas event with your family. Whip up sweet sugar dough, collect rainbow-colored icing, lots of sprinkles, and fun toppings. It’s a great mess, but the joy and joy it brings to our family makes it unforgettable.
It’s also important to remember that you and your spouse are a team during family gatherings. My wife and I realized that we had to be honest about our emotional limits and the costs of our actions.
A “Family Day” will be held by the fifth day of the Christmas visit. Along the way, we reset together, just my wife and kids. It helps us all maintain peace, unity and intentionality.
Third, and most importantly, actively strive to center your marriage on Jesus.
Focus on Jesus, especially when things are difficult. The holidays stir up issues in your marriage, so it’s important to stay connected to the truth of who you are and who your spouse is.
Spiritual intimacy with God is one of the most important parts of maintaining a marriage.
A horizontal relationship like marriage can only be maintained vertically by each spouse having a relationship with Christ. Spiritual intimacy with God is one of the most important parts of sustaining a marriage at any time of the year.
Pay attention to feelings of loneliness, frustration, and impatience. They are windows of invitation from the Lord. What is God trying to say to you about you through those emotions?
When your spouse is experiencing their own pain, listen carefully and lead them toward God before engaging in any further conversation. His invitation never drives us, but draws us in love.
This Christmas, let’s make time to be drawn together. Draw to your spouse, to God’s love, and to peace and quiet.
Make space for Jesus in your marriage and heart. It will not only tame your holiday season, it will deeply enrich your life as individuals and as a couple.
David Jauregui joined the WinShape Wedding team in 2019 to leverage his passion for spiritual formation and soul care in the context of marriage, and currently serves as Assistant Director of Renewal. He has been married to his wife Holly since 2012 and they have two joys, Lincoln and Sage. He holds a master’s degree in spiritual formation and soul care through Talbot Seminary and is a trained spiritual director.
