When we think of biblical hospitality, we often think of Martha, Jesus’ cousin, who took that mission to unhealthy extremes. She was so focused on cleaning and cooking that she forgot the basics of hospitality: loving the people at home. In fact, her tunnel vision was so bright that she missed out on meaningful time with the Savior of the world (Luke 10).
But how often do we do the same? When it’s our turn to host an event and invite others into our home, we get so caught up in the presentation that we forget God’s call to intentionally welcome others into our space with a heart of gratitude and joy.
I’ll be the first to admit that when I panic over whether my cutlery is plastic or glass, or worry too much about whether my home decor is too simple, I barely have the head space to focus on the people coming over.
In fact, there are stress-free ways to practice hospitality and feel less exhausted, more energized, and encouraged by inviting others into your home. Consider these three ways to rewire your mind and challenge the way you view hospitality to ensure your next event is a truly warm and enjoyable experience for everyone.
1. Keep your presentation realistic
Perfection cannot be a prerequisite for any work that falls into human hands. Because that’s simply an impossible standard. Creating a perfectly presentable home is no exception.
You don’t have a Fairy Godmother. Forest creatures don’t team up to wash the dishes, clean the house, or fold the laundry. Remember that you are one person, and family presentations can only limit what one person can do, especially when working, carpooling children, and balancing other family responsibilities and community commitments.
While you want your home to be clean and tidy, let go of the idea that it has to be clean to welcome others into your space. It’s hard to feel warm and cozy in a house that looks like no one lives there. This stuffy presentation leaves no room for people to relax or feel at ease, as if they can’t take off their shoes, open a drink, or lean back on the couch cushions.
Hospitality requires humility. When entertaining guests, it’s a good idea to clean the guest bathroom, clean the main room, and wipe down the kitchen, but don’t add unnecessary stress by worrying about all those unpolished baseboards. Not every room needs fresh flowers in a vase, and no one will be disappointed if there isn’t a festive wreath hanging on the front door.
People who come to your home to spend time with you aren’t inspecting every inch of your home. They are not there to judge you. They want to have fun with you, so take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy hosting family and friends in your beloved, imperfect home.
2. Delegate household responsibilities
You don’t need a mile-long cleaning list to welcome guests, but some chores do need to be done. If you have extra time for other commitments, consider the most strategic way to delegate household responsibilities so that the whole family can participate in the welcome.
If dinner takes too long, ask your husband to wipe down the kitchen table and set out the plates, napkins, silverware, and cups. If your dog drops some unexpected mud in the kitchen, ask one of your older children to mop the floor while you do the last errand of fetching dessert.
When something happens in your life, it’s not because you’re lazy or unprepared. You can’t predict the specific stressors that will disrupt your hospitality efforts, like a roll burning, a kid showing up late for baseball practice, or an Amazon delivery guy blocking your front door with a package. These are all unpredictable moments that give you an opportunity to change direction and loosen the fists you’ve clenched too tightly in a false sense of control.
When you live your life with flexibility, you will be ready to accept God’s grace, practice patience, and ask for help from others, especially as you welcome others into your messy but beautiful life.
3. Invite guests to contribute
If friends come to visit, it makes sense to ask the children to clean their rooms and arrange the main living area. If your husband’s friends are coming to watch a soccer game, it makes sense to ask him to grill you. These are solid reasons for families to work together and contribute. But asking guests for help preparing for an event you’re hosting can feel awkward, uncalled for, and even rude.
What if someone thinks you’re being lame, lazy, or inconsiderate? What if this stops them from coming to your house?
In a polite society, and certainly in a modern culture that avoids hurting others, it is natural to consider these questions. However, when practicing hospitality, it is essential to recognize that you are fostering a sense of community. It’s less about polite civility and more about creating an environment where everyone feels equal, seen, and valued.
Community means participation from each party, and individuals can feel valued when they can participate in a fun night, even if they’re not hosting it at home. Perhaps one of your guests will make the best appetizer. Consider asking them to bring enough for everyone. Not only is this one less ingredient they have to prepare, but it also lets the person know that their dish is great and well-received. If another friend is better at building balloon arches for weddings or baby showers, ask if they can come over an hour or more before the event to help you set it up. Again, this saves you time, but allows others to use your gift to do something you enjoy.
Asking others to contribute doesn’t make you unkind. It makes you resourceful and creates space for others to show off their talents and join the group.
individual practice
My husband and I are life group leaders for young families at our church. This means that we typically host between 6 and 12 guests each week (plus a lot infants and young children). It’s great that our old 1800’s farmhouse has vintage charm, but it didn’t take long to realize that people weren’t enjoying that charm. Rather, they love our home because they know that it’s okay and relatively normal for their little ones to tint the windows, have potty accidents on the floor, and spill milk in every crevice of the kitchen floor, and they feel safe here to share their hearts, their struggles, and their testimonies.
Similarly, this leadership season has taught me that most people want to bring an entree or show off the new sourdough bread they learned how to make. Most people don’t care if their kids throw crayons or Play-Doh on the floor. Most people don’t want to share their hearts and don’t want to live in a starched ironed environment. better home and garden living room. Instead, they are looking for a kind person who will welcome them into a peaceful, less pristine home.
If the holiday season approaches and you feel overwhelmed with hosting others, consider the following short and simple prayer.
Father, as Psalm 61:2 says, “…I make the call, my heart starting to fade. Please lead me to a rock higher than me.“As we prepare to welcome others into our homes, we are feeling anxious and stressed. We ask for peace and a gentle reminder that hospitality is never about perfection, but about intentional presence. Help me to recognize when to ask for help from others. And grant me the grace to find encouragement, joy, and even rest in welcoming others into my home. Thank you, Lord, for your eternal presence.”
Photo credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/skynesher
Peyton Garland is a writer, editor, and mom of a boy who lives in the beautiful foothills of East Tennessee. For more encouragement, subscribe to her blog Uncured+OK.
