I woke up one morning and was woken up to the alarm on my phone. I shuffled into the kitchen, poured a cup of coffee, and turned on the news. My heart hurts with every headline. But as I sat on the couch while my kids were still sleeping in warm beds, I couldn’t help but feel a complete contrast between reading the headline and experiencing it in person.
But sometimes, I think that tragedy “there” approaches the house, whether it’s on a similar set of values, or just equating with an uneasy mother running barefoot down the street to reach her children, it feels like tragedy “there” approaches the house.
The tragedy that day felt very close to the house despite my two children sleeping in the hall.
I don’t know the first thing about walking your kids through the actual war zone. Or they hold their hands as they explain the violent end to their loved one. But will they talk to my children about the tragedy they inevitably encounter in this world? At least you can do that.
But how can I explain to my kids that I’m struggling to wrap my head?
You don’t have to walk the struggles of life alone. Please tell me how we pray for you.
Talk to your child when the world feels unsafe
I asked several other parents how they handle headlines and hard conversations in their own homes. Responses varied on the spectrum, ranging from “Nothing At At All” to “Bite the News.”
Naturally, children ask questions about events in the “adult” world. My kids are 18 and 12 years old. So I found my son hoping for a basic and secure answer to keep him in the loop, but my teenage daughter is ready to dive deeper with questions and opinions.
But overall, there are some basic guidelines that I have tried (and failed, repented, retreated):
1. Be honest but keep your conversation age appropriate.
When your child asks, be honest, but it should maintain a proper age. For school-age children, things she doesn’t hear from you may hear at school or elsewhere. Ask what she has already heard. Your conversation from there depends both on the age of the child and their emotional maturity.
If your teens are on social media, they probably have quite a bit of information – both the truth and the rumors. So don’t dispel their concerns. You know that you don’t need to have all the answers, as well as doing some additional research if necessary so that you can give a thoughtful response.
2. When you have younger kids, think of media breaks.
The tragic graphic images and videos have spread quickly today. My son doesn’t have social media, but my friend had forwarded the link to violent videos that I couldn’t protect from him. These scenes are honestly difficult for us to incorporate as adults. Young children don’t need to see them.
So let yourself (and your child!) take a break from the media. Instead, use your time to interact with your kids. Play board games, take a walk and share the highs and lows of the day. When you feel that life is chaotic, remind them with your actions and words (your love for them) never change.
3. Remind them of good things and encourage them to do good things.
We’ve all heard a quote from Mr. Rogers’ neighbour, Fred Rogers. “When I was a boy, when I saw something scary on the news, my mother said, “Look for a helper. You’ll always find someone you’re helping.”
After hearing this, I searched for helpers (or heroes) with the kids. When she was young, my daughter always noticed her first responders, including police, firefighters, paramedics and more. Then there are everyday people who give up their lives for others, or all people to give them all the resources and help those who have lost so much.
Mr. Rogers’ mother was right. There is always a helper.
Some ideas to help you? Join us for a prayer vigil or start one with our community. Whether you bring cookies to the teacher or drop off dinner at a neighbor’s house for no reason, invite your kids to be kind to you right now. Spreading kindness helps to “overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21).
4. Pray with them.
Let your children see you rely on the Prince of Peace. Model for them How to embrace your worries, your burdens and fears, your concerns, heartaches for a deeply divided and hurtful world and give to God through prayer.
We pray and guide our children for those experiencing tragedy. When you are talking to your child, here are four ways to pray.
1. I pray for the safety of those affected. Have your children pray for them like they are, and pray that God will protect them from harm and fear. “The Lord’s name is a strong tower; the righteous man will run into it, and he is safe” (Proverbs 18:10).
2. Pray for those who mourn. Ask God to comfort those who are experiencing the loss of friends and family, their homes, and the sense of security. “They are comforted, and the mourners are blessed” (Matthew 5:4).
3. I pray that our followers will not lose their faith and will maintain their hope. “I know the plan I have for you, so I declare the Lord, and to give you a plan of welfare rather than evil, a future and hope” (Jeremiah 29:11).
4. When life feels chaotic, pray for peace. “I have said to you these things, in me you may have peace. In the world you are suffering, but you take your heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).
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Lisa Lakey is the director of FamilyLife’s publications. In her little free time when she finds everything about parenting and ministry, you’ll probably be able to curl up in books or have lunch with friends. Lisa lives in central Arkansas, with two children, Ella and Max.
