Dear “future” self.
Before this letter gets too big, I would like to tell the “current” me how proud I am that you have arrived at the end of January 2024, one emotionally healthy and thawed piece. I say this because I know what most Januarys are like. It’s not easy to survive a December filled with parties, dinners, gifts, and revelry, only to be brought back to “reality” with the dark, cold, harsh winds of January encircling my mind, heart, and extremely dry hands. Every year I think, “This January will be different,” but every year it ends up feeling almost the same as last year.
January evokes a lot of emotions in me. Over the past month, I have been working through my own doubts, fears, and anxieties, which I will share later. What didn’t surprise me this January was that I learned what works for my mind, heart, and body to get by. I focused on my Bible reading plans and devotions, had to take a break from some apps, and made sure physical exercise was one of my top priorities. For me, mental, spiritual, and physical health are very closely related.
Now I’m skating into February, the infamous month of love, and I feel like I’ve got a grip on myself, at least enough to not slip on the ice. But just kidding, I didn’t accomplish any great feat here, it was divine. That’s why I’m writing this letter to my future self, lest I forget in the next 11 months what God has reminded me of. That feeling of being invisible or unwanted is not true. So, “future” Mandy, keep reading and refresh your memory for a moment.
As a 41-year-old single woman, one of my recurring questions is, “Is someone watching me?” And in true Godwink fashion, God has graciously responded to this inner pain I have in many ways. From what I’ve learned from other friends and vulnerable people, I’m not alone. It is not uncommon for people to feel things that cannot be seen. And before my “future” self starts thinking I’m having a pity party, I know that I have a huge impact on the world around me. I know how blessed I am, how precious my life and days are, how blessed I am to have a great job, family, and good health, and how loved I am. But there are days when I feel like I’m a supporting character rather than the main character in my life.
The word that God has been approaching me from the end of last year until today is “kindness.” We are reminded of the scripture in 1 Peter that describes the characteristics of our beauty: “Your beauty should not come from external adornments, such as an elaborate hairstyle or gold jewelry, or wearing fine clothes. Rather, it should be your inner beauty, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great value in the sight of God” (1 Peter 3:3-4). I love cutting my own hair and buying new tops, but the truth is that my identity is not determined by what I wear or how good I look, but by my beliefs, my heart, and my spirit.
I don’t know if I’ll be in a relationship by next year, but I know that I’m loved, worthy, and noticed, regardless of whether a man is pursuing me or not. The world, and frankly the church, may not know exactly where I fit in as an unmarried woman in my 40s, but I do know that I fit perfectly into the Lord’s plan. And maybe part of my plan now is to remind myself and others reading this that we matter. There is no magic cream or boyfriend that can replace what the Holy Spirit infuses into our confidence and facial expressions. God sees you, hears your prayers, and loves you more and more with each smile line or rejection.
In the summer of 2023, the words God kept repeating to me were “eyes to see.” As I was thinking about the singles series I wanted to do on my blog, those words kept coming to mind. I began praying that we single women and men would have eyes to see the truth about people and what God wants for us. May the mirage of shiny, glossy images and the allure of the possibility of something even more shiny coming around the corner fade and we can see each other as blessings God has given us at this very time.
But who said I wasn’t needed? Could it be that Satan is just trying to discourage me and whisper lies to me? Yes, and his dastardly schemes and my imaginative brain can concoct some very harsh lies about myself. “Future” self, please continue to fight against lies! I started saying out loud truths about me from the Bible. Then I will hear and Satan will be scourged. Some of the Bible truths that I have personally customized are:
“Depart from me, Satan!” (Matthew 4:10)
“I am fearfully and wonderfully made!” (Psalm 139:14)
“I am the light of the world!” (Matthew 5:14)
“Greater is he who is in me than he who is in the world!” (1 John 4:4)
“God works all things out for my good and his glory!” (Romans 8:28)
“If God be for me, who can be against me?” (Romans 8:31)
It is so sweet of God to let me know that He sees me and that I am not invisible and desperately needed. God has blessed me with some dear sweet Godwinks over the past few weeks. I wanted to share at least one of them here so you don’t forget.
Since December 2023, I’ve been wanting to watch PS I Love You again, one of my favorite movies, and after weeks of taking the DVD out of the cabinet and not putting it in my player, I finally watched it late Sunday night. Well, the next morning I opened the devotional book I had been reading, “Prayers for Your Future Husband,” by Tamara Chamberlain, and there it was:
“I’ve never been a fan of heartbreaking romantic movies, but the one I really enjoy is PS I Love You.”
Sorry, what? I finally watched the movie, which I had been watching and voicing for weeks, late on a cold Sunday night in January, and by the next morning I was in my 90-day devotional period… Day 45?! That morning, I was sitting on the couch feeling completely happy, having wanted to experience that feeling for so long. I was exactly where God was waiting for me to arrive and gave me a little Godwink and nudge to keep up the good fight of faith and prayer. That day also referred to “a man after the will of God.” I am currently reading about David in 1 and 2 Samuel in my Bible reading plan and this was a bonus.
This is just one example of how God sees us. “Future” Mandy, if you approach the refrigerator, you’ll see the “Mandy” business card that has been taped to the refrigerator’s front door since childhood. And you’ll remember how special you are. Let me remind you that our name means “worthy of love.” And many sweet feelings can also be attributed to this meaning, but let’s recall the passage that the creators of this business card from the 90s felt appropriate for such a name.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).
Yes, you’re right, Mandy. We are worthy of love. we matter. We are commanded to be strong, courageous, and not afraid or discouraged because God is with us wherever we go. No matter what the world thinks, no matter how many suitors are interested in us, our age, or season of life, God never changes and loves us more than we can imagine.
Mandy, please remember this for those of us who were young when we fell in love with Jesus and began to dream big, for me now, at 41, listening to God’s Word, praying fervently, and living each day a little with childlike faith, and for those of us in the future who will one day draw closer to God’s presence.
Dear “future” self, please never forget.
God is watching you.
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Eerik
Mandy Smith started her blog ‘My Joyous Heart’ in 2011, began writing freelance in 2013 and is now the proud author of this blog. Almost there: A 30-day journey that puts tomorrow’s uncertainties ahead of today’s promises.. Mandy is single, currently works full-time as a speech therapist, and lives in Atlanta, Georgia. Communication in all its forms has always been a major part of Mandy’s life, both personally, professionally and spiritually. You can read more of her writing at: www.myjoyousheart.com and connect with her facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Twitterand YouTube.
