Like many women, I struggle with not feeling good enough. After working through these issues with a therapist, I found it helpful to find the root of this idea. No one is born thinking they are not good enough. Rather, this idea is learned and taught through action. Our parents may try, but sometimes they are a stumbling block to how our self-image falls apart.
Most children are confident in themselves. But as we get older, we become less sure of ourselves. It doesn’t help when family and friends say negative things about us. I was the youngest of three, and despite what is often taught through social media, just because you were the baby of the family doesn’t mean you’re the favorite, and it doesn’t mean you’re spoiled. I’m sure this is true in many families, but it is not dogmatic to say that all the youngest members of the family are spoiled, get everything they want and are adored by their parents.
personal vulnerability
This is not the case for me and never will be. As the youngest, I had my hands down, but I could not do anything that my sisters did not always do before me. Being the third and final child, my parents were not thrilled or impressed when I took my first steps, said my first words, or went to my first day of kindergarten. I was old hat to them because they had already seen these things happen twice.
As much as I enjoyed the excitement of these first important life stages, I understood that my mother was overworked, busy, and preoccupied with financial matters. My father had his own interests, often training for marathons and working on writing his books. As an adult, I can see that these things were important to my parents, but it also shows me that they weren’t as important to me as these things were. Does it hurt? Of course it is, but part of moving on is accepting the pain, even when it hurts.
As a teenager, I began to feel like every breath I took was not enough. By the age of 13, I had developed anorexia nervosa, depression, and generalized anxiety disorder. As you can imagine, I wasn’t doing well at the time, and every day was a struggle. It seemed so easy for my older sisters to do. They were good at playing musical instruments, painting, and writing. In contrast, I couldn’t play a single chord on the guitar, draw anything that looked more professional than a cartoon character, or even write anything with a plot line.
I tried – I really did, but it was never enough. I was often compared to my sisters and made to feel like I wasn’t good at anything. In addition to this, my mother’s temper would set me on fire due to my ever-present eating disorder. I don’t blame the mother for her frustration or anger at me, but it’s not the best route to go when you have an emotional child. And that’s what I saw throughout my adolescence. A girl with too many emotions.
I was taught from a young age that my intense emotions were a weakness, but now I see them as a strength. I’m an empathetic person because of my emotions, and they were able to help me connect with others. Many people say they feel comfortable and safe with me and that I am approachable. These individuals may not be thinking many of these words, but they truly bless me. As someone who wanted to feel comfortable and safe, I am honored to be able to extend these same positive feelings to others.
It’s okay to be sad
When you don’t feel well enough, it’s essential to take time to grieve. Although negative emotions should not be treated as fact, it is important to feel them and grieve them. Grief doesn’t only occur when someone dies. You can also grieve over the death of a dream, the end of a relationship, or when you just don’t feel well enough. As mentioned earlier, the mindset that comes with not feeling good enough is a learned behavior. We are not born thinking that we are not good enough.
Grieve the childhood you didn’t have, the relationship you didn’t have with your parents, or the relationships that made you feel as if you weren’t good enough. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about your sadness. It is a necessary part of healing and growth. When you grieve, you open yourself up to moving forward with your life.
Crying is not weak. Take time to grieve, cry, and feel your emotions. Let them pass or wave. It’s okay if your grieving period takes longer than you first expected. Grief has no timeline. Show yourself extra care, forgiveness, and grace in this season of life and know that healing is possible. In fact, you have already begun the healing process by grieving.
I learn fully in Christ (Colossians 2:10)
If you too are struggling with not feeling good enough, know that enough is enough, just as you are. The Bible tells us.And in Christ you are fulfilled. He is the head of all power and authority” (Colossians 2:10). As the Apostle Paul says in this passage, we have been given the fullness of Christ. This means we lack nothing. Know that you are sufficient in Christ.
Knowing that I am enough in Christ was paramount to helping me see that I am enough as I am. I’m not a failure or disappointment person. Instead, I am God’s beloved child, and so are you. Self-help books may try to sell us different ideas, but we know that we are enough for Christ. Nothing else helps us see our sufficiency in Christ.
When you know that you are sufficient for Christ, your whole world changes. You still have days when you are struggling, but you can redirect your thoughts to Jesus. The Holy Spirit focuses your mind on Him, the Father, and Jesus. Don’t listen to the world or other people, listen to God. He says you are enough as you are and he loves you.
cherish
These truths reflect on them when you feel bad enough. Remember that feelings are not necessarily facts. Rely on what you know. God loves you and you are perfect in Him. Don’t put aside the lies of the world or the enemy. Focus all your attention on God. He will never let you down and will always remind you that you are worthy of all good things.
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Michael h
Vivian Bricker earned a Bachelor of Arts in Mission and a Master of Arts with an emphasis in Theology. She loves theology, mission work, and all things helping others learn about Jesus. See more of her content on Cultivate: https://cultivatechristianity.wordpress.com/.
