March 23, 2025, 2am MDT
Editor’s Note: This is part 4 of a four-part series on recent research related to toxic perfectionism. Part 1 of “The Unique Outlook for Latter-day Saints” is here. Part 2, “The Role of Grace,” is here. Here is part 3 on “Understanding the gospel of Jesus Christ is a step towards healing.”
Researchers at Brigham Young University have discovered that religious beliefs and toxic perfectionism can have a major impact on each other. For members of the Latter-day Saint Church of Jesus Christ, in fact, there was a lower percentage of toxic perfectionism compared to researchers who had no religious observance.
Debra Theabold McClendon is a clinical psychologist who joined BYU’s professor in writing about the effects of toxic perfectionism in the December issue of the BYU study. McClendon focused his writing on both gospel and clinical approaches that can help people heal from toxic perfectionism.
This article describes clinical approaches. Part 3 of this series featured a gospel approach focusing on the tone sin of Jesus Christ.
Clinical perspective
People who suffer from toxic perfectionism may have a lot of distortion in their thought processes, McClendon said. These distortions include:
Binary (black and white) thinking: See an extreme world where there is no room for the gray realm. Ignore the positive aspects of your self or your performance. Double Criteria: Keep one standard applied to yourself. As a self-criticism and as a way to prevent poor performance.
McClendon defines these as “thinking errors,” and is often biased towards negativity.
“We all do that, not just people who have perfectionism,” she said, adding that the more people repeat inaccurate and negative thoughts, the more “we get worse and emotionally spiral down.”
Treatment Strategies
The strategy recommended by McClendon follows what is called “cognitive behavioral therapy.” The goal is to use several techniques to identify and challenge distorted thoughts.
The first technique McClendon pointed out was Socrates’ question. This includes examining how effective a particular idea is by asking questions such as, “Is it fair to have stricter rules for yourself than others?” And then, “What would you say to a friend in this situation?”
“Does this really match the way you treat someone you love?” Posed McClendon.
Another technique recommended by McClendon is to create a “responsibility pie chart.” As an example, one of McClendon’s clients used the responsibility PIE chart to address unhealthy perfectionism regarding estrangement from their daughter’s family.
“Her unhealthy perfectionism convinced her that she was simply a motherly failure because she didn’t always do everything perfectly,” McClendon wrote in the BYU Research Quarter.
After creating a responsible pie chart, McClendon clients were able to think about this issue more broadly and realistically. Instead of 100% of the chart being a mother’s mistake, it was broken down into pieces, including some of the daughter’s own choices.
“Now there’s some emotional relief and freedom,” McClendon said. “And she’s starting to feel more self-compassionate.”
Another favorite intervention for McClendon is to have clients create “thinking charts.”
The first box on the chart records what caused a person to cause unhealthy perfectionist feelings (e.g., missing points in the exam).
In the second box, they write what these feelings have thoughts and beliefs pop up (e.g. feel stupid, or that they don’t succeed).
The third box represents the consequences caused by those thoughts (e.g., crying, anti-mination, quarantine).
In the fourth box, the person challenges the assumptions he has made (e.g., missing points in the exam do not constitute a broken grade). This helps the person go against normal patterns of thinking.
Next, write down what you’ve learned from dissenting these beliefs (e.g., making mistakes is fine), and new emotions arise (e.g., flexibility, self-confidence, integrity).
In the final part, we ask people to consider what they will do about this issue in the future (e.g., keep trying, see imperfection as a gift).
“It’s a great problem-solving strategy,” McClendon said. “But I don’t do it just because problem solving feels better about a particular content issue. The main reason I do that is, “Can I look at this from another angle? Why am I not looking at this in the healthiest way?”
I’ll move forward
For those struggling with toxic perfectionism, many of the techniques McClendon recommends can be done by themselves or with the help of church leaders, friends and family. However, she emphasizes that mental health professionals can help with specific techniques and interventions.
“There is absolute hope,” McClendon said. “Life changes as they pursue healthier with their thought patterns.”
