Ashley Tankard always dreamed of appearing on “American Idol” to use her God-given voice to entertain and inspire.
But Tankard also had a major hurdle to overcome: crippling anxiety. In fact, she continued to struggle with fear for years, and it affected virtually every aspect of her life. From not having a voice in school as a child to the paralyzing worries I faced in my professional life, everything was tainted.
But all that changed in 2025 when Tankard listened intently to God’s call for life. Although she was still in the depths of worry, she had long felt the Lord prompting her to share her testimony in book form. She started this process years ago, but as 2025 drew to a close, her desire to complete the project became even stronger.
Tankard, who recently published a book about her journey, “Fear Didn’t Win,” knew the Lord wanted her to complete the project by January 1st, so she set herself on a mission to accomplish just that. Still unsure of how her story would end, she continued her journey of faith amidst uncertainty.
“The first time I heard the Lord speak about this book was when I was 18 years old.…Even though I didn’t have a close, intimate relationship with the Lord at the time…I actually knew His voice,” she said. “So I knew that was God telling me to write this book or start this book, but I had no idea what the end result of the book was going to be.”
One of the hallmarks of Tankard’s story is her passion for music. For several years before she felt called to write a book, Tankard tried to realize her dream of auditioning for “American Idol.” At age 15, she recalled her first attempt, an experience that ended in rejection.
“For seven years, I’ve been auditioning for producers over and over again with this fear and this thought… ‘Even if I pass, I don’t even know how I’m going to get in front of the judges,'” Tankard said. “I was still auditioning because it was a dream that had been in my heart for a long time. So I auditioned multiple times every season for seven years straight.”
At the age of 22, Tankard auditioned for the 15th time and finally won the right to appear as a judge on “American Idol.” Soon, her familiar enemy of fear set in, and Tankard felt anxious not only about going to auditions, but also about standing in front of music’s biggest artists.
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“This was actually one of the hardest things I’ve ever done,” she said, noting that she was “on the verge of a panic attack” as she prepared to sing in front of Katy Perry and the other judges on the show. “I just went through the whole audition process like I was having a full-blown panic attack.”
Despite her struggles, Tankard said she overcame the triggering moment and is overjoyed to finally see herself on TV.
“Actually getting through the audition and making it to Hollywood…was one of my biggest accomplishments,” she said.
Despite his achievements, the fear never went away and he continued to suffer even in basic social situations. Fast forward to 2025, and Tankard continued to struggle with crippling fear even after following God and finishing his book. Until a friend said something that changed her understanding.
“In November of 2025, I was in a situation in my life where I wanted to, quote unquote, say, ‘Let’s get our lives together,’ but in a way, it wasn’t like I was doing anything wrong in my life, it was like I was just fulfilling my mission and walking in my purpose,” Tankard said. “So I was trying to call a friend and basically ask for advice on a certain area of my life.”
Tankard told her friend that fear was keeping her from doing some of the things she wanted to do. Fear was something she felt she couldn’t get rid of throughout her life.
“I actually ended up telling him that I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder when I was 17,” she said. “And what he told me was that fear and anxiety are actually spirits that come from the enemy. After having that conversation with him, it felt something inside me.”
Throughout her life, Tankard assumed that fear was simply psychological and didn’t spend much time thinking deeply about its underlying psychological component. This was a very interesting realization. Because she started having intense anxiety when she was just seven years old, and it escalated over the next few years to the point where she talked to this friend and thought about it a little differently.
After Tankard’s friends discussed the spiritual nature of fear and anxiety, Tankard began talking about these issues with another Christian friend. And then something else happened. Ironically, that night, Tankard’s church addressed the same issue during a service she attended.
“I ended up going to church that night, and the pastor who was preaching that night ended up giving an altar call to people who were dealing with devastating fear and anxiety,” she said.
Tankard responded to the call and prayed that everything would go smoothly, but said that at first, “I didn’t notice any changes.” But when she returned home that night, she decided to publicly rebuke the fear that had haunted her for so long.
“I felt like I was having a loud conversation with the enemy and saying, ‘I’m done letting you rule my life. You no longer have power over my heart, you no longer have power over me.'”
“Then I started falling asleep and waking up, and to put it simply, I was literally completely free of fear and anxiety,” Tankard said.
It was a freedom she never imagined. After years of battling an anxiety diagnosis, she thought she would spend the rest of her life dealing with these struggles. She said she is now walking in true freedom.
“It’s just a very overwhelming feeling…walking in freedom…and it’s still very new,” she said. “Six months ago, I definitely wouldn’t have been able to talk about this as freely as I did in an interview, because I was…scared of being honest and…scared of saying the wrong thing.”
Mr. Tankard continued. “But… now I… open the book because I know God saved me and I know it will help someone else.”
Perhaps most interestingly, Tankard said she felt a strong sense from God that she needed to finish writing “Fear Never Conquered,” but that prompting came a week before she was freed from anxiety. See her amazing story and pick up the book here.
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