“Above all else, guard your heart, for from it all your actions flow” (Proverbs 4:23).
The Biblical definition of guarding your heart is guarding and preserving your heart with all your heart. However, as humans living in a fallen world, we tend to let our guard down and allow ourselves to be deceived by the enemy.
Valentine’s Day is a particularly vulnerable time when love can be “in the air” and cloud our vision. Unmet needs and expectations can cause us to violate God’s standard of love and stray from God’s Word. That’s why it’s important to keep a safety net in your heart and, as the Living Bible says in Proverbs 4:23, “guard your affections.”
As Valentine’s Day approaches, here are five specific guards to keep in mind.
avoid unreasonable expectations
“And Jesus said to them, ‘Beware of all covetousness, for a man’s life is not determined by his wealth.'” (Luke 12:15 ESV)
Paper hearts, cards, and flowers fill public spaces, reminding us of the love we long for. Jewelry commercials feature sparkling diamonds, suggesting that true love is expressed through such extravagant gifts.
Giving and receiving gifts on Valentine’s Day is nice, but our expectations can be excessive. When we see others receive what we want, jealousy and comparison take root.
In her nightly devotional post, Amanda Idleman wrote, “Many times on my birthday or wedding anniversary, I have had tearful fights with my husband because my high expectations didn’t match up with what the day was about. The sad part is that I’ve missed out on the good things the day brought because of my sadness over implicit unrealistic expectations.”
When expectations are raised to an unhealthy level, we miss out on important moments of celebration. Yes, Valentine’s Day is a special day of gift-giving, but we must guard our hearts carefully so that unreasonable expectations do not spoil the celebration.
Here are some ideas that may be helpful.
• Agree to only give cards that express your love and commitment to each other in writing.
• Share your expectations openly and ask your loved one how they would like to celebrate.
• Focus more on meaningful experiences rather than tangible gifts: Concerts, day trips, and couples scavenger hunts are great options.
To make the most of your Valentine’s Day this year, prepare in advance. As that day approaches, let us pray for joy and peace. Notice Psalm 37:4. “Rejoice in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
Lord Jesus, protect my heart from unreasonable expectations and help me to find true contentment in You.
prevent self-pity
“Lord, how long will you forget me? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and carry sadness in my heart day after day?” (Psalm 13:1-2)
When King David questioned the Lord’s timing, he was not rude. He was seriously struggling with the sadness in his thoughts and heart. We all go through seasons of doubt, especially when we don’t know how things will pan out. However, we must guard against self-pity. Self-pity distorts our view of our loving and merciful Father.
As Carolyn McCurry writes, “Self-pity turns our gaze inward and focuses only on ourselves. It says, ‘I deserve more! Why is it being withheld?!'” It’s a response of pride. It is therefore accompanied by a spirit of inconsolable demand that fuels emotions. Self-pity causes us to assume the worst. “Lord, don’t you care? ”
Her words are an important reminder that God cares. he is still working. He knows, sees, and hears. One way to resist self-pity is to replace self-centered thoughts with declarations of praise. As David said, “I will praise the Lord always; I will praise him continually” (Psalm 34:1).
Lord Jesus, please keep my heart from self-pity and help me to focus on your wonderful blessings.
Prevent unhealthy thought spirals
“When anxiety arises within me, your comfort makes me glad” (Psalm 94:19 Amp).
When was the last time you looked at a social media post and felt jealous? Maybe it was a photo of your family in matching outfits, or maybe it was part of that beach vacation you’ve always dreamed of.
As Valentine’s Day approaches, it’s especially important to protect your mind from unhealthy thought spirals. Comparing your life to others can make you feel disappointed, alienated, or envious. And the Bible clearly states: “For where there is envy and selfish ambition, there is found disorder and every evil habit” (James 3:16).
This line may sound harsh, but jealousy is no joke. It only wastes time and energy and leads to harmful thoughts that rob us of our peace. Instead of focusing on what others are doing, we can create our own meaningful memories. Here are some ideas:
• Set up a photo backdrop in your living room using hearts, streamers, and balloons.
• Make a special Valentine’s Day breakfast, like heart-shaped waffles topped with strawberries and whipped cream.
• Get out of town and enjoy a romantic day trip.
• Create an “I love you because…” poster and include things you love about your spouse.
The easiest way to break out of an unhealthy thought spiral is to interrupt your thought process. Focus on what’s most important, as Colossians 3:2 says, “Set your minds on heavenly things, not on earthly things.” (NKJV)
Lord Jesus, please keep my mind from spiraling into unhealthy thoughts and keep my heart focused on You.
prevent infringement
“Therefore, put to death everything that belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry” (Colossians 3:5).
For dating couples, Valentine’s Day can be a temptation to compromise their standards of purity. Couples may ignore their beliefs and make concessions to cross physical boundaries.
By placing a guard of purity around your heart, you will be less tempted to give in to the desires of the flesh and will be better equipped to deal with dangerous situations. In fact, by protecting yourself in this way, you can prevent dangerous situations in the first place.
• Instead of spending the night alone, you will stick to groups of friends or public places.
• Prioritize your inner beauty instead of focusing on your outward appearance.
• Maintain Biblical standards rather than following worldly opinion.
• Make a plan and stick to it instead of just going with the flow.
Remember the words of Hebrews 4:15: “We do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have a high priest who in every way is tempted as we are, yet without sin.” Jesus helps us in our weaknesses. God knows what tempts us, and He is faithful to provide a way out. (1 Corinthians 10:13) This Valentine’s Day, pray for the Lord’s strength and be prepared to compromise.
Lord Jesus, please keep my heart from compromise and exercise self-control.
guard against division
“Make every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bonds of peace. Just as you were called to one hope when you were called, so there is one body and one Spirit. There is one Lord, one faith, and one baptism. There is one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in all.” (Ephesians 4:3-6)
One of the enemy’s strategies is to cause division, and he is very good at it. In marriage, family and friendships, he drives a wedge at every opportunity. Valentine’s Day is a perfect opportunity for Satan to intervene, causing quarrels and divisions. Placing a guard around your heart means being aware of his tactics and blocking his path.
James 4:7 says, “Submit, then, to God; and resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” Resisting means taking your sins to God and laying them at His feet. It means forgiving others again and again. It means saying “no” to the divisive lies that are whispered.
As Valentine’s Day approaches, be on guard for potential rifts in your relationships. Let us hold fast to Romans 12:10: “Be devoted to one another in love, honoring one another more than yourselves.”
Lord Jesus, please help me to keep my heart from division and foster an atmosphere of unity with others.
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Marinela Malcheva
Jennifer Waddle is the author of several books, including Prayer WORRIER: Turning Every Worry into Powerful Prayer, and a regular contributor to LifeWay, Crosswalk, Abide, and Christians Care International. Jennifer’s online ministry is EncouragementMama.com, where you can find her books and subscribe to her weekly post, “Disappointment Can’t Win.” She lives with her family near her favorite place on earth, the foothills of the Rocky Mountains.
