April 16th, 2025, 12:00 PM MDT
A few years ago, while serving as mission leaders, two sister missionaries informed me that some elders had done something I wasn’t excited about. I don’t even remember what it is. What I remember is that I wasn’t very happy.
I think I was like, “What did they do?” One of the sisters, Sister Pamela Arauho, calmly said, “President, take three long, deep breaths and say a little prayer.”
This was good advice.
Sometimes, when someone disappoints us, we respond in an impulsive, negative way. This can lead to insufficient decisions. When the young people don’t meet expectations, we can take a deep breath and say a little prayer, as Sister Araujo reminded me.
A little backwards can help you maintain your perspective. Next, try asking questions instead of lectures. Once you have gathered information, look at the future instead of the past. Together we will create a new plan.
Nephi was a great example. When NEPHI and his brothers tried to get a brass plate from Laban, things weren’t going as they originally expected. They had to make a second plan. When that didn’t work either, Nephi had to make yet another plan (see 1 Nephi 3-4). Like Nephi, we need to offer a second chance.
Be positive and focus on their potential. When I was playing golf, I lifted the ball up and hit what I thought was a good shot. It looked like it was heading straight into the hole. But I couldn’t find my ball. I couldn’t see anywhere in the green. I thought it had landed on a trap of sand in front of green. I walked to the greenery and started looking for a ball. I searched everywhere. It won’t succeed. I was angry – a little angry. Later I realized I didn’t even think about checking in the hole. It might not have been there, but I couldn’t see, I just walked away. I had lost sight of my goal of getting a ball in the hole.
When the youngsters seem to miss most of their shots, help them see that they still have a good swing and if they’re just hitting the ball, it eventually goes into the hole. Don’t let them lose sight of their goal of becoming disciples of Jesus Christ in life. They may not make a good shot on every swing, but if they continue to focus on Jesus Christ and their desire to follow him, they will find happiness and joy along the way.
The two mission leaders were talking about how they motivated the missionaries. One said he surprised his visit to their apartment so he could catch them sleeping.
Finally, love them as if they are living exactly what you want them to be alive. Those who don’t live up to expectations are the very people who need a positive relationship with their leaders and parents more than anyone else.
If the apostles were in the midst of a violent storm in the Sea of Galilee, they had not had any connection with him, would they have gone to the Savior for help? He knew they loved them, so he could help and teach in times of need. He could say, “peace, stillness” (Mark 4:39).
– Brother Paul M. Herman is a member of the Young Male General Advisory Committee.
