It was just Christmas Day and my first Christmas, as a single mother. Well, I think again, I wasn’t alone. I had my 11 month old son with me, and he wasn’t in the way of the conversation. It felt like the darkest day. I remember sleeping the night before. I wake up to my empty apartment and fear that it seems hopeless at all. I felt completely forgotten, like no one bothered me. I didn’t have the money to buy Christmas presents for my loved ones, and I didn’t have any family to spend time with my family. There was no warm meals slowly roasting in the oven or laughing through the hall. My sweet baby raw a small government-subsidized grant, unaware of the pain his mother endured. I cried most of that Christmas day. That afternoon, I went to a friend’s house for a few hours, and in the end I ended up crying alone and finished the day on the couch. It wasn’t just my only Christmas as a single mother, and it certainly wasn’t my only Christmas feeling.
Loneliness is probably less common than in the holiday season. I was there. Many times. In fact, I have been living a lonely season, even when I was not a single mother and not completely alone. Loneliness is emotional. It’s a feeling of being alone and frankly, we’re in a room full of people and still feel quite alone. So how do you fight that? I’ll tell you this before I start the list. I am fully aware that any of these ways of fighting loneliness will in itself not pluck you mysteriously and instantly from the hole of despair and loneliness. But what helps you fight well is the pinnacle of making conscious choices to make one after another. There are a few things that helped me during my lonely season:
actively. Christmas is coming. Rather than fearing arrival, many churches are holding holiday concerts, caroling, Christmas plays and other events to make the holiday season more meaningful. Take your time now and plan ways to stay involved and active. Quarantine can be the biggest challenge during this period.
Stop meditating on things that aren’t. If you’re like me, you may be more likely to meditate on things that aren’t. If I don’t pay attention, I spend much more time focusing on what’s wrong, what’s wrong, and who’s not supporting me. In fact, I don’t focus on all rights, I stick to all mistakes. There are many good things in our lives. There is a lot to be grateful and praise God. We must capture all the thoughts that it is completely submission to the truth of God’s Word. We are blessed and highly liked. What’s good? health? work? friend? family? running water? The roof above your head? Laughter?
It becomes active. The more you move, the better you feel. Exercise releases endorphins that create a positive mood. A sedentary lifestyle often means you are not feeling good physically or mentally. I’m going for a walk. Get the old exercise DVD. Meet friends at the park or at the local gym. Move your body.
Serve someone else. Part of the challenge we have in fighting loneliness is focusing on ourselves. Instead, consider how you can use your time, talent and skills to serve God by serving others. Can I volunteer at my local soup kitchen or homeless shelter? Can I babysit for single parents? Can you visit elderly people who may be lonely as well? What could change someone else’s holiday season?
Host dinner or lunch. Why wait for an invitation from someone else? After a while, who have you ever met who enjoys spending time together? Serve dinner or lunch at your home for your neighbor, old friends, or fellow parents. Make it for a game or karaoke night. A Christmas movie marathon is probably the perfect way to go on holiday.
Get some to do list items. Due to busy work schedules and children’s activities, I always have a list of things I need to accomplish that I don’t have time to deal with. Holidays tend to be a time when things get slower. There are probably some closets that need to be cleaned or reorganized. Maybe there’s a cleaning to do. It’s probably time to go through the garage or kitchen cabinets. This may be the perfect time to write down your goals and work on your budget for next year. The key is, there’s a lot to do, so don’t spend the time.
Create a special day with your family. Enjoy your time with a gorgeous closet. For those with children, many graduate from school during the holiday season. Create a fun day that includes writing cards for men and women for holiday baking, games, Christmas activities, services, dance parties, songs, games, book reading, exercises, drawings, paintings and more. Activities are not important. The key is to create a family-focused day.
Make sure you stay connected to your local church. I’m a huge advocate for this! If single parents can stay connected in their local churches, they are better equipped to fight loneliness. Support groups and Sunday School classes help us gain perspective. It helps us to hear about other people’s problems and to hear wisdom from those where we are. Satan’s plan is one of the strategies of division and conquering. If he can isolate us from the church and love our respectful friends, we start to see the glass as half empty. No one will love me. I’m always alone. How can the church treat me like that? You don’t need God anyway. Negative thoughts happen everywhere unless we are careful. If Satan can steal our joy, kill our hopes, destroy our future plans, he is alone. We are no longer a threat to him. We are no longer focused on what we can do in God’s Kingdom.
Spend time in the Lord and His words. Sometimes our spiritual life is exhausted. We did not spend our time submitting to the demands of the world and feeding our souls. It can make us empty, bitter, angry, hurt, angry and injure. Take your time this holiday season and immerse yourself in the truth about what God is saying about you. Take your time to read his goodness and faithfulness. Meditate on Daniel in the lion’s den and his faithfulness to David in the wilderness and Noah, the Israelite in the desert. This same God loves and sees you. His presence overflows us.
rest. The busyness of life often exhausts and depletes us. We are working, overbooked and overrunning on demand. It is actually a season of great fatigue that sometimes seems like a season of solitude. Maybe the gift from the Lord this holiday season is rest, relaxation and the time of “me” that is necessary.
Recognise that you are never alone. God promises that he will never leave you. “Yeah, that sounds great, but I want human interaction!” you might be thinking. The Lord created you for your relationship with one another, for your relationship with one another, for your relationship with him. But the latter is the most important part of our lives. The development of our relationship with the Lord is our strength, our comfort and our peace. That’s where our joy can be found. Paul writes in Corinthians 7 about how his singleness allowed him to serve God better. Certainly, we may be lonely in the seasons, but we are never alone.
you are not alone. This year, we intend to connect with our local churches and, most importantly, to our father’s heart. He loves you.
Jennifer Magio is the life of the Department of Single Mothers, a mom of three, Jeff’s wife and founder of the national nonprofit organization. She is the author of four books, including churches and single mothers. She was named one of America’s top 10 most influential people in 2017 and 2015 by Dr. John Maxwell and has appeared in hundreds of media venues including the New York Times, Dr. James Dobson, Joni, Friends and other family talk radio.
