It’s been almost five years since I saw him healthy. Looking at him makes me want to linger in the sink just to have a drink.
By now you’d think I’m an expert at navigating holidays without him. However, I still miss my father. his voice. his handsome smile. His kind-hearted nature is generous towards everyone including his relatives. friend. Strangers. those under his employment.
I miss his gentle assurance that God would protect me despite turbulent times filled with mean people and economic pressures.
If you are reading this article, it is likely that sadness has invaded your world as well. Maybe, like my mother, you are acutely aware of the gaping hole left by a loved one. Or perhaps you are grieving the sudden suicide of your child. An engagement headed south. A rift with a long-time friend. A marriage I never thought would fall apart due to infidelity.
However, you may have lost something other than a person. It would be heartbreaking if you had to bury your faithful pet. When your belongings are destroyed by a natural disaster, it’s a cause for sadness. If you lose your job or business, it may mean losing your dreams or even your hopes.
Regardless of the details that cause grief, approaching the holidays with sadness can be daunting. Christmas is supposed to be the happiest time of the year, right? When you hear upbeat songs or dizzying gifts, you may feel pressured to laugh away your tears.
Try these simple prayers to prepare you and your grief for the holidays.
1. Please heal me
Proverbs 15:13 says: “Sorrow of the heart breaks the spirit.” A wounded soul may try to abandon God. After all, “the human spirit (the element in the human personality that comes directly from God) is the lamp of the Lord, searching all the innermost parts of man” (Proverbs 20:27, AMPC).
A broken spirit extinguishes the light of the Lord and darkens your life.
Prayer: “Lord, please heal my sorrows so that my heart does not break.”
2. Get comfort
In the Old Testament, Jacob’s other sons conspired to make it appear that his beloved son Joseph had died in the wilderness. The news shocked Jacob.
“All his sons and daughters came to comfort him, but (Jacob) refused to be comforted. He said, ‘No, I will continue to grieve until I go into the grave with my son.’ So his father wept for him” (Genesis 37:35).
Jacob had no shortage of comforters, but they were of no use to him. Because he ignored their comfort.
Prayer: “Lord, help me to accept every time You show me love, even when You send someone to comfort me.”
3. Be smart
About a month after my father’s untimely death, a friend of mine from church said hello to my mother, and that gave me an opportunity. “You’re okay now, aren’t you?”
I couldn’t help but retort. Did you really think it would take just a month to recover from your husband’s death, young lady? Or the father?
Maybe you know someone like this person. Many people, while well-intentioned, unwittingly add to their emotional burden by making insensitive statements such as, “It’s time to move on,” as if grief has a preset term limit.
Prayer: “Lord, give me the wisdom to know how to respond when people make insensitive comments about my grief.”
4. Balanced life
Let’s give these guys the benefit of the doubt, the ones who posted the cruel comments in point 4 above. They are definitely motivated by a desire to see us grow. Therefore, their claims are valid. Grief can consume the mourner. Remember Miss Havisham from Charles Dickens’ Great Expectations?
Prayer: “Lord, help me make room for sadness, but don’t let it haunt me for the rest of my life. Balance sadness and living.”
5. Auxiliary anesthesia
One way to keep grief out of balance is to anesthetize it. Our society has become adept at drowning out unwanted emotions with 1,001 distractions: alcohol, whether or not it’s socially acceptable. drugs. medicine. food. overwork. Netflix. sex. They remain stoic and analytical, leaving no room for emotion.
But the anesthetic of sadness doesn’t work. What is suppressed today will one day come to the surface. Additionally, all of the above coping attempts end up creating more problems (think weight gain or loss, worsening finances, addictive habits, etc.).
Prayer: “Lord, strengthen me to grieve properly. I resolve not to use unhealthy means to avoid grieving.”
6. Joy and surprise
Is it fun? In sadness?
The concept may sound wrong, but I get it. Yet, Nehemiah 8:10 reminds us that the joy of the Lord is our strength. Think of it this way, if you need to grieve, there’s no better time than in the middle of Christmas.
You may have to deal with the sadness of experiencing the holidays without the people you’re grieving with, but go for a walk around your neighborhood anyway. Check out Neighbors’ elaborate manger scene. Stop and admire the tinsel and twinkling lights on the Christmas tree. Listen to the carol and absorb the lyrics.
Prayer: “Lord, don’t let me miss out on the beauty of this season.”
7. Trust
When death comes, life does not remain the same. The greater the loss, the more change can be expected.
This includes our relationship with God.
Your mind may wonder about what you have lost in life and why something like this happened. Feel free to ask questions of the Almighty, but be prepared to wait for answers. Not because God is pleased to see us struggling in the process, but because God’s still small voice (1 Kings 19:11-12) is hard to hear in our great suffering.
Prayer: “Lord, strengthen my trust in you when I don’t understand and my world seems strange.”
8. Heals bitterness
Ephesians 4:31 commands us: “Keep away from you all bitterness, anger, anger, shouting, and evil speaking, with all malice.”
Depending on the nature of the loss, bitterness may creep in. For example, you may have prayed day and night for your mother to be free from cancer. No wonder I felt so angry when she died.
But bitterness is vile. Others can also be infected and suffer (Hebrews 12:15). Additionally, as resentment grows, it can cause cracks in your faith and persuade you to ignore God.
Prayer: “Lord, heal the part of me that feels bitter about the loss I am grieving.”
9. Hope
Death is painful, but it can usher in a new era. There’s a new business idea to explore, a new hobby to take up, another city to move to, and another church to attend.
Although we cry as we remember the past, sadness also serves as an opportunity to cultivate the soil in our hearts and give hope color to the future.
Prayer: “Lord, I may not be ready to take concrete steps toward the future, but help me to have hope again. Prepare me for the new season that is about to begin.”
10. Best Friend
Some people in your support system may question your grief or even completely disagree. Some Christians argue that we are never allowed to grieve.
Thankfully, we have friends who are closer than brothers and sisters (Proverbs 18:24). God wants to be your best friend. He is perfect for this role, especially given his propensity to be kind to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18).
So when you want to go Christmas shopping one more time with someone you’ve lost, or wrap one more present for someone you’ve lost, ask Jesus to sit with you instead.
Prayer: “Lord, I welcome you to be my best friend. Please walk with me every day.”
In the name of Jesus – amen.
Related resources: Prayers for hope when holidays bring back painful memories
The holidays remind us not only of people and things we’ve lost, but also moments of disappointment, regret, and sadness that still linger. – Rachel Wojo is an inspirational author, speaker, and podcaster who shares her faith and hope through her popular blog RachelWojo.com. Check out her podcast “Untangling Prayer.” Her latest book, Desperate Prayers: Embracing the Power of Prayer in Life’s Darkest Moments (October 8, 2024), delves even deeper into the transformative role of prayer.
Photo credit: ©Unsplash/Paolo Nicolello
Dr. Audrey Davidhiser (www.aimforbreakthrough.com) is a California licensed psychologist, Internal Family Systems (IFS) Certified Therapist, and IFSI Certified Clinical Consultant. After founding the Los Angeles Dream Center Counseling Center, she now provides IFS therapy to trauma survivors, including those with religious trauma, and assists with IFS training. She is a regular writer for Crosswalk.com and a columnist for iBelieve.com. Her book, Grieving Wholeheartly, about how IFS supports the grieving process, was published by InterVarsity Press in July 2025. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Substack @DrAudreyD.
